I'm Not Gay!
by Ryochan8
Summary: Miroku loves Sango,big suprise. But Sango thinks he's gay! Join Miroku on his quest to prove his straightness, from stalking Sesshomaru to dealing with an amourous crossdresser. Skip to Chapter 17 please!
1. Nightmare Confession

I'm Not Gay!!!  
  
by Ryochan  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. Oh well. The real crime is not being able to own Sesshomaru, Miroku, or Koga *sniffles* Oh yeah, the storyline was inspired by a Card Captor Sakura fic, Confessions Gone Wrong. Please don't sue me, no da!!  
  
Ch. 1: Nightmare Confession  
  
Miroku leaned against the tree, sorting out his jumbled thoughts. Today was the day. Today was the day in which he was going to become the happiest man alive or the most deppressed man in existence.  
  
Today was the day he was going to tell Sango he loved her.  
  
He ran his plan through his mind once more, trying not to panic. He took a deep breath to calm himself down, and stood up. He was NOT going to back down.  
Miroku skimmed past the forest and into the village, trying to locate Sango. She better not be at the hot springs, he grumped. Actually...... a perverted grin came across his face as he reminiscened the many times he had tried (and mostly succeeded) spying on her and Kagome while they were bathing. He shook his head, trying to get his head out of the gutter. Then he spotted her.  
She was a goddess to him, with her expressive brown eyes and silky black hair. His heart thumped painfully fast in his chest as she spotted him and waved him over. His feet involuntarily moved, needing no further invite. He reached her side and was suddenly at a loss, his voice being as dead as Kikyo *authors note: I HATE THAT POT!!! YES, SHE IS A FRICKEN CLAY POT!!! INU + KAG FOREVER!!!*.  
She smiled at him and greeted," Hello, Houshi-sama."  
He stuttered," Um, er, Sango-chan, um, may I, um, have a word with you? Alone?"  
Sango suprisedly said," Uh, sure. How about we talk at the Goshinbuku tree?"  
He nodded, and they walked along, neither interrupting the awkward silence that was with them. The trip ended on an odd note, as Miroku had not made a pass with her. Sango speculated, This must be serious....... Oh no, what if he's going to tell me goodbye?  
Miroku shyly started," Um, Sango-chan, I have something I need to tell you........I haven't said anything before in case it might ruin our friendship but.........I have to let you know.....I, Miroku-"  
"Oh Houshi-sama!" She gave him a tight hug. Miroku was in his own personal heaven. Everything was right with the world.  
"Houshi-sama, I've known all along....." Miroku embraced her tighter, now realizing that she DID feel the same way.....  
"......I've known that you were gay." 


	2. NO! You've Got It All Wrong!

Yo!! What's up? Ryochan here, and I just want to thank all of the wonderful reviewers for liking my story. I was thinking of making that a one-shot, but most of the reviews said to please continue on, so this is for you guys!!! Oh yeah, from now on I'm going to add a "Blooper Time" at the end, so you can see everybody act like morons! :D  
  
Disclaimer: No, I don't own the characters of Inuyasha. But that's okay, I have the priviledge to mutilate them instead! *maniac grin*  
  
Ch. 2: No! You've Got It All Wrong!!!  
  
Miroku was horrified. He kept repeating to himself This is not happening, this is not happening........  
Sango disentangled herself from him and beamed," I've always noticed that you put too much effort into trying to make women like you. It suprised me at first, you seemed too smart to actually make such a mistake as to be so perverted. But then I thought, what if you did that on purpose? That was when I knew. Don't worry Houshi-sama, I won't think any different of you. Just, now that you know I know, can you stop pretending to hit on me?"  
Miroku found his voice and earnestly started to explain," NO! Sango- chan, I assure you, I am NOT gay, I-"  
Sango interrupted," Don't worry Houshi-sama! I won't tell the others. I'm going to find Kagome-chan now, so I'll see you later, okay?" And with that, she walked off at a brisk pace, leaving poor Miroku in the dust.  
He slumped to the ground. His eyes were haunted, filled with despair, and the jovial monk face he usually wore seemed to have left on a permanent vacation. He raised his eyes to the heavens, his face a shrine to torture.  
Why?.....Why is life so cruel?..... Suddenly struck with an idea, he raced off to find the one person he could think of to help him out of this mess.  
  
BLOOPER TIME!!!  
  
BLOOPER 1  
Miroku fell to the ground. His eyes were haunted, filled with despair, and the jovial monk face he usually wore seemed to have left on a permanent vacation.  
He released all of his depression.  
"SHI SHI HOKUDAN!!!"  
BLOOPER 2  
Miroku fell to the ground. His eyes were haunted, filled with despair, and the jovial monk face he usually wore seemed to have left on a permanent vacation. He raised his fist the heavens and cried," CURSE YOU SPARTICUS!!" 


	3. Stop Laughing At Me!

Heart of a Fairy: Thank you so much for liking my fic. "Shi Shi Hokudan" is a phrase used by Ryoga Hibiki in Rumiko Takahashi's manga Ranma 1/2. It releases all of a person's depression in a chi attack.  
Akikaze no Uta: No, that wasn't TOO much of a spoiler........but feelings are feelings, and I just don't like Kikyo as much as I guess I should. Oh well. (It's kind of like how some people say that Shippo is annoying. THE BLASPHEMERS!)  
Ever Happy: Okay, I'll try to make the chapters longer, but I can't promise anything......^_^;;; Thanks for the compliment on the blooper section!  
SofiaDragon: Hm, never thought of it that way......but yeah, I guess this IS his punishment.....  
Sanosuke Sagara: Why Miroku? Well, can you HONESTLY picture Kagome calling Inuyasha gay? Didn't think so. Well, in here, Sango actually DOES think he is gay, she's not being cruel. But I guess your idea of it would be kind of funny......maybe I'll add it into a blooper!  
Suns Golden Ray: Thank you for the criticism. But how would I have anonymous reviews? O_o As for Chapter 2 being a continuation of Chapter 1.........well, you got me there! I will try to make the chapters longer, though.  
Zero: Well, think of it this way: Sometimes gay people try to force themselves to like the opposite sex just to fit in. Sango might see that trait in Miroku and put two and two together (and get 5). Thank you, I will try to keep up with everybody's expectations!  
Kazumigirl: NO! Not the emus!! Of course I'll continue, if only for their sake! :D  
  
Disclaimer: Mommy, mommy, guess what I learned in school today? I don't own  
Inuyasha, so people can't sue me for making a fic!  
  
Ch. 3: Stop Laughing At Me!  
  
Miroku was NOT in his happy place.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
He had been standing around Kaede's hut for over 10 minutes and the she wouldn't stop laughing at him!  
  
"Kagome-sama, please! I'm desperate!"  
"She said....she said..HHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kagome started hiccupping. She couldn't help it, this was priceless! After 15 minutes and a blue face later (she forgot to breathe), she finally calmed down enough to talk.  
Miroku tore at his hair and rambled, "What do I do? Kagome-sama, how could she think I'm gay?! After all the women I've propositioned, all the times I've groped her, HOW IN THE SEVEN HELLS COULD SHE THINK I'M GAY?!"  
Kagome defensively explained," Hey, she is NOT dense! I mean, you DO try too hard-"  
Miroku interrupted,"-but that's only so I can have an heir if we fail to destroy Naraku!"  
Kagome continued, ignoring his outburst,"-and you seem to ignore any girl that DOES like you-"  
"-only because my heart belongs to SANGO!"  
Kagome sighed. He was so clueless. If he wanted to convince Sango he wasn't gay, then why wouldn't he listen to her?  
Miroku seethed. Why were women so..so...ARG!! He muttered," It's not like I LOOK gay or anything.." Kagome sweatdropped. This was a statement coming from a guy that wore a dress-like robe with a bow on it, had a ponytail, and wore earrings. Kagome ventured," Well, you kind of have that aura.." He glared at her and venomously gritted out," What. Did. You. Say."  
Gaining strength, Kagome argued," Well, yeah! You have the aura of a gay person!"  
"What does that mean?!" Miroku burst.  
Kagome yelled back," It means that you seem like you ARE gay, in actions and all!"  
Miroku was taken aback. He...SEEMED gay?! How could he?! He was just as, or even more masculine, than Inuyasha! He didn't fuss about his appearance or like cooking or picking daisies! HE WAS THE DEFINITION OF MANLY!!!!  
Just as Miroku was about to yell out about a long list of reasons he why he DIDN'T seem gay, the door opened to reveal Sango.  
Kagome greeted," Hi Sango-chan!"  
Sango returned," Hello yourself, Kagome-chan. I was just looking for you!"  
"What for?"  
"I was wondering if you wanted to go to the hot springs with me?"  
"Sure! Let me just grab my things! I'll meet you there!" All throughout this exchange, Miroku just stood there staring at Sango, longing, depression, and hope showing on his face. As she turned to leave, she noticed him, gave him a quick hug, and left the hut.  
As Kagome turned to leave, she gave Miroku a last piece of advice.  
"Miroku, you should tell Sango what you just told me. The longer she thinks you're gay, the less chance there is that she can ever see you as a potential boyfriend. Good luck. And if you peek on us, I swear I will have Kaede put a rosary on you too!" And with that, she walked out of the hut.  
  
*********************************************************  
  
Miroku was sitting on the floor of Kaede's hut, musing about his predicament. Well, everything boiled down to two choices:  
  
A) Forget about Sango, and go on with his life.  
B) Try to show Sango that he isn't gay and risk losing her trust  
and friendship.  
  
But, of course, this wasn't even a choice. He knew he would go along with Plan B. But, what if it was already too late.... what if she was already in love with somebody...what if she wasn't even straight? But, he thought, everything has its risks. Wasn't Sango worth it all? So, with this on his mind, he started devising ways to let Sango see the light.  
  
BLOOPERS!!!!  
  
BLOOPER 1: Miroku was sitting on the floor of Kaede's hut, musing about his predicament.  
Boxers or briefs, boxers or briefs....  
  
BLOOPER 2: Miroku was sitting on the floor of Kaede's hut, musing about his predicament. Well, make that trying to muse about his predicament. The sight of Kaede worshipping a picture of a shirtless John Travolta was quite distracting.  
  
BLOOPER 3: "Miroku, you should tell Sango what you just told me. The longer she thinks you're gay, the less chance there is that she can ever see you as a potential boyfriend. Good luck. And if you don't send Inuyasha to peek on us, I'll kill you! I'll show HIM I'm sexier than Kikyo ever was!" 


	4. Okay, Time For A Pep Talk

Disclaimer:  
Kagome belongs to Inuyasha  
Even after all those "sits"  
Sango belongs to Miroku  
Even if he's a pervert  
Shippo and Kirara belong to themselves  
Because I don't think they would ever hook up  
And none of them belong to me  
Because I'm not Rumiko Takahashi!  
  
Ch. 4: Okay, Time For A Pep Talk  
  
Kagome and Sango were relaxing at the hot springs. Both felt less stressed because they knew that a certain monk wouldn't be peeking on them (Sango thought this because she thought he "had come out of the closet" and Kagome thought this because he had too much to think about). Kagome sighed," This is the best." Sango agreed," Yes, without worrying about Houshi-sama or Inuyasha peeking on us, it feels as if a burden is off of my shoulders."  
Kagome fell silent, thinking about Miroku's plight. She wondered, What if Sango is doing this to poor Miroku just to be cruel? What if this whole "I-think-you're-gay" thing is just a joke? Would Sango really do that? Well, he has groped her one too many times but still...  
Sango asked," What's wrong Kagome-chan?"  
"Uh, nothing, I was just thinking," Kagome answered, startled.  
"Hm, is it about Inuyasha and Kikyo?" Sango asked knowingly.  
Kagome nervously chuckled," Hehehehe, actually, that hadn't crossed my mind."  
Sango said," Eh?"  
Kagome panicked, CRAP! She knows something is up! I mean, it's not my place to tell her that Miroku is straight, but...OH! How couldn't I have thought of this before!  
Kagome cleared her throat and started," Um, Sango, I need some advice."  
"Sure, just ask away and I'll do my best to help!" Sango eagerly replied.  
Kagome began," Okay, well, I have this friend named Mir- MISAO! Um, yeah, Misao. So, she has a crush on another one of my other friends, and his name is, um, Sano! So, Misao was about to tell Sano that she liked him but then she found out that he thought she was gay. So, she asked me what to do but I have no clue. Any ideas?" Kagome internally chanted, Please don't figure out it's you and Miroku, please don't figure it out, please..  
Sango thought out loud," Well, if Sano thinks that Misao is gay, then he must have a good reason..So, if Misao finds out what makes her seem gay and corrects that, then maybe Sano will see her in a new light..Um, or maybe..wait, scratch that...well, I guess the best thing to do would for her to tell him the truth as soon as possible. That help any, Kagome-chan?"  
Kagome nodded vigorously and said," Yup, thanks." She thought of something else and then asked," But if you were in Sano's shoes, what would you say? I mean, if somebody you thought was gay came up to you and said that they were, in fact, straight and that they had a crush on you, then what would you say?"  
Sango digested the new information and finally said," Well...if it was me, I would not know what to do. Maybe.. I would just go with the flow. I'm sorry Kagome, I don't know what I would do, and I don't think that would ever happen to me."  
Kagome hurriedly said," That's okay Sango-chan; I think I know what to tell Misao now."  
And with that, they finished up their baths with idle conversation.  
  
For lack of anything better to do, Miroku was going through Kagome's pack with Inuyasha and Shippo since they were all thoroughly bored.  
Inuyasha held up a book and said," Hey, isn't this one of the wench's spellbooks?"  
Shippo answered, "Um, yeah, I think it is. Why?"  
Inuyasha answered," THIS will teach her to "sit" me!" He gobbled down the textbook.  
Miroku winced and asked, "Won't Kagome-sama just "sit" you even more now?"  
His eyes bulged out of their sockets and he promptly squeaked," Crap!" He immediately started trying to puke up the book.  
Shippo and Miroku started going through the pack once more, ignoring the gagging sounds the hanyou was making. When the gagging got REALLY bad Shippo threw a shoe at him and the gagging ceased. Shippo held up some crayons and delightedly cried," Hey, I remember these things! Kagome called them "cre-ons"." So, with his newfound amusement, he started scribbling on the walls of Kaede's hut, the markings looking remarkably like gangster graffiti.  
Miroku, still digging through the pack, came across a CD player, speakers, and a microphone. He mused, Didn't Kagome-sama say these things could make music and let a lot of people hear it? Hm..  
It was then that our favorite monk got an idea. He got out a piece of parchment and started writing down lyrics.  
  
BLOOPERS!!  
  
BLOOPER 1: Kagome sighed," This is the best." Sango disagreed," No, this feels wrong without Miroku peeking on us. I feel so NOT-violated. It's unnerving!"  
  
BLOOPER 2: " But if you were in Sano's shoes, what would you say? I mean, if somebody you thought was gay came up to you and said that they were, in fact, straight and that they had a crush on you, then what would you say?"  
Sango digested the new information and finally said," Well, I'd say "Screw you pal, I thought you were queer!"  
  
BLOOPER 3: Inuyasha held up a book and said," Hey, isn't this one of the wench's spellbooks?"  
Shippo answered, "Um..."  
Inuyasha burst out," THIS will teach her to "sit" me!" He gobbled down the book.  
Miroku yelled," Inuyasha you fool! That was Little House on the Prairie!!! It's disgusting enough when you read it, but you ate it!" He bowed his head and sang," May you rest in peace." 


	5. This Is My Anthem

Akikaze no Uta: Yes, I know that he looks right at home in the Feudal Era, but I had to have SOMETHING for Kagome to gripe about....Thanks for the compliment!  
VioletRose4: Is everybody really that OOC? I didn't intend it to be that way but that's the way things go.......I'll try to update every couple of days.  
FireCat7: Thank you for liking the bloopers....Yeah, I kind of have a problem with length but I'm getting better at it, aren't I? ^_^;;  
Crystal Sapphire: Do you want me to double-space or what? ^_^;;; I'll try, but I don't think that double-spacing would work. Thanks for liking the bloopers!!  
Duo The Dark Magician: Thanks for the idea! But that was what I was intending to do...  
  
Disclaimer: You see a couple of men in black suits cornering a teenage  
fangirl.  
"Give it up!" The black suit men demand.  
"NEVER!" The fangirl cries. "Then we must bring out the big guns of lawsuits and other legal stuff!"  
They start chucking briefcases at her. The fangirl hangs her head in defeat and says, "FINE! I don't own Inuyasha  
(that privilege belongs to Rumiko Takahashi)! THERE! YOU'VE CRUSHED MY  
HOPES AND DREAMS! HAPPY?!"  
The black suit men cheer and break out the sake.  
  
Ch: 5 This Is My Anthem  
  
It was the next day, and Miroku was ready to put his plan into action. Earlier he had placed speakers all over the village, so that even if she was in the forest (highly doubtful) she would still hear him. He put the CD in the karaoke machine and before the music started, he scared the villagers shitless by having his voice booming everywhere," Sango-chan, this is a song in your dedication. I hope you will get my point." And with that, he took a deep breath.  
  
******************************************************  
15 minutes ago....  
  
Shippo was hungry, dammit! At least, that was what his growling insides were telling him, his stomach churning in agony. He was scampering around looking for Kagome because he wanted his candy, and he wanted it now! (A/N: Yes, I know that Shippo is OOC right now, but aren't you when you are hungry? Just grin and bear it peoples, just grin and bear it..) Suddenly, his demon senses pricked, sending shivers up his spine. He sharply turned to see a strange big black box and some black thingies coming out of it (which the viewers would recognize as the Karaoke machine that Miroku was going to use). He sniffed the cords and his nose scrunched as the wiry smell greeted him. Then his eyes grew wide as he remembered that a certain candy Kagome gave him smelled exactly like this! He thought triumphantly, Kagome must have brought a licorice tree here! Yay! And without further ado, he plopped down on the ground and started munching on the wires.  
  
******************************************************  
(And now, back to the present..)  
  
Sango heard the announcement and was wondering what exactly he was going to sing that he couldn't tell her in person. Well, whatever, any excuse to hear him sing. She blushed as she remembered how sexy he sounded when Kagome brought the Karaoke machine back to the Feudal age for Christmas. Sango shook her head furiously and firmly told herself, He's gay. Get used to it! There is absolutely NO point in falling for someone that would never love me, let alone anybody of my gender.. And with those thoughts running through her head, she prepped herself for the "concert".  
  
******************************************************  
  
Kagome and Inuyasha, previously arguing about her going back home for a couple of days, were shocked into silence by Miroku's announcement. Kagome broke the silence by sighing," Fine, I'll stay. But this Tama detector is going home after we find another shard, understand?"  
Inuyasha went into his classic "whatever" pose and rudely drawled," Feh," but he mentally said, Oh yeah, sure, right.  
And with that, they headed to where Miroku was, anticipating the concert.  
  
******************************************************  
  
The moment of truth had arrived. He closed his eyes and began to sing.  
  
This is what he had INTENDED to sing:  
  
I'm not gay  
As opposed to what they say  
I'd proposition you  
But you said that I'm not straight  
If you can't believe this  
I'll still love you  
  
..And this is what came out of the speakers:  
  
I'm..gay  
As opposed to what they say  
.....  
But you said that I am.straight  
.. You can't believe this  
I'll...you And then the microphone died altogether, leaving a furious Sango and an embarrassed and very scared Houshi.  
  
******************************************************  
  
It was a lovely town to passerby, a nice town with a nice miko and nice inhabitants. A couple of travelers decided on spending the night, when they heard a shrieking sound sounding eerily like ," NO! SANGO-CHAN IT'S NOT WHAT IT SOUNDED LIKE I SWEAR TO GOD LET ME EXPLAIN- AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" And so, a bit green in the face, the travelers headed in the opposite direction as fast as their feet would carry them.  
  
******************************************************  
Kagome was giggling as she tended Miroku's cuts and bruises from Sango's temper.  
Miroku grumped," It's not funny."  
Shippo, eating real candy, shared Kagome's mirth and guffawed," Yeah right Miroku. That was so funny!" He cocked his head to the side," But what's "gay" mean anyway?"  
Inuyasha, Kagome, and Miroku quickly answered," You're too young to know."  
Shippo said," FEH!" and stomped out, grumbling something about how he SO old enough to know things.  
Miroku sweatdropped and stated," He spends WAY too much time around Inuyasha for his own good."  
"OI! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN YOU PERVERTED PRIEST! AT LEAST I KNOW HOW TO SHOW I'M NOT GAY AND WHO I LOVE THAT I LOVE HER!!"  
Kagome huffed, "And that would be Kikyo, right?!" She stomped out of the hut.  
Inuyasha asked, "Did I miss something?"  
Miroku flatly stated," Only the obvious."  
"Feh, whatever. Do you want my advice or not?" Inuyasha calmly asked.  
Miroku, nearing the end of his rope, defeatedly said," Okay, what's the plan?"  
Inuyasha, missing the enthusiasm in his friend's voice, explained," Well, if you're gay, then you have no interest in females. So, if you have an interest in females, you're not gay-"  
"Brilliant deduction, Sherlock." Ignoring this, he continued,"-so if you show Sango that you're interested in her because she's a GIRL, then you're set!"  
Miroku frustratedly returned," If I could do that, then why would I sit around and ask YOU for advice?!"  
Inuyasha yelled," Do you want to hear the plan or not?!"  
Miroku amended," YES YES! Okay, so what is it?" He leaned in as Inuyasha filled him in on the plan.  
  
BLOOPERS!!!  
  
BLOOPER 1:  
  
15 minutes ago....  
  
Shippo was hungry, dammit!  
  
Now...  
Shippo was happily munching on Sesshomaru's fluffy thingy, charbroiled to perfection.  
  
BLOOPER 2:  
  
Kagome and Inuyasha, previously arguing about her going back home for a couple of days, were shocked into silence by Miroku's announcement. Kagome was the first to recover, and she used this to her advantage by kicking Inuyasha in the groin and making a mad dash for the well, yelling back at him," YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!!!"  
  
BLOOPER 3:  
  
He closed his eyes and began to sing. He got into one line before a random old hag started throwing tomatoes at him yelling "BOO! GET OFF THE STAGE!! WHERE'S FRANK SINATRA WHEN YOU NEED HIM?!"  
  
Okies, I have a little question for you guys. You see, I have a little plot dilemma and would like you to help me choose the way the story will go on from here. There are three choices:  
A) Inuyasha's plan works  
B) Inuyasha's plan involves Miroku going to ask help from the "most often called gay" characters, thereby leading him to a quest.  
C) Inuyasha's plan is discarded as Miroku thinks of a new plot to try. *Note: I know I haven't said what Inuyasha's plan is (except for in Choice B), but that's a surprise!* 


	6. Dear Fluffy

VOTING: Guess what? B won, so sit back and enjoy!  
  
Kaze no Kagura: I think your review is the longest one I've ever gotten. XD. Thank you so much for pointing out the positive AND negative points about my fic. And yeah, the karaoke thing was pretty random, I was just having a little bit of writers block. Also, people have been nagging me to make the chapters longer, so I had to appease them. I'm witty? :D Thanks again! Duo the Dark Magician: Jeez, you've reviewed for almost every chapter! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! *blushes* I don't think that my chapters were all that good but if you say so..  
  
Disclaimer: Bananas are yellow. Sum41 rocks. I don't own Inuyasha. That's the way things work.  
  
Ch. 6: Dear Fluffy  
  
Miroku and Inuyasha were poised outside of Sesshomaru's campsite, anxiously anticipating the demon lord's awakening. As to how they got there, that could be explained by the events of two days ago...  
  
******************FLASHBACK*********************  
  
Inuyasha proudly boasted about his plan. "You see, I know a couple of guys that SEEM gay, but nobody actually thinks that. If we go ask one of them for advice, then we're set!"  
Miroku incredulously asked," Do you just ACT stupid so I feel awed in moments like these?"  
Inuyasha scowled and yelled," OI! What does that mean?!"  
Miroku nervously chuckled," Oh, hehe, just a joke." Then seriously asked," But who are these guys?"  
Inuyasha matter-of-factly stated," Naraku and Sesshomaru."  
Miroku and Inuyasha were silent for a moment, then burst out laughing.  
"*snicker* Naraku *snicker* gay?! BWHAHAHAHA!"  
"*chuckle* F-f-feh..HAHAHAHAHAA!!!" After a couple of minutes, they finally settled down.  
Miroku ventured," Okay, Naraku is not an option, but on the other hand Sesshomaru is just as less likely to help. How would we ask for his advice?"  
"Well," grinned Inuyasha," when I was little, I always used to play pranks on him."  
Miroku formed a wry grin as a picture of Sesshomaru tripping over Inuyasha's outstretched foot entered his mind, followed by a mental image of Sesshomaru opening a door and being drenched by an overhanging bucket.  
Inuyasha, as if sensing Miroku's thoughts, wistfully murmured," Ah yes, those were the good old days..." He cleared his throat and continued, "Well, if we place letters wherever he goes asking for the same old advice, eventually he'll crack. I mean, one of his only fears is of stalkers."  
Miroku didn't ask about how Inuyasha knew that, but instead asked," How would we do this without getting caught? He can smell us, remember?"  
Inuyasha boasted," Oh, I thought of that alright. We can just have Kaede use a spell on us to remove our scents. She used it to spy on me and Kikyo when she was a brat, so she's had practice."  
Miroku stood up and said," Well then, what are we waiting for?! I'll go ask Kaede-sama for her help while you go tell Kagome-sama that she can go home for awhile."  
"Feh, whatever. At least Sango had to go exterminate some demon in a nearby village so she's out of our hair."  
  
And that leads us to the present.  
  
*******************************************************  
  
Sesshomaru had told Jaken he was going on a "soul-search" to find himself, so he (Jaken) had to stay behind at the castle and watch Rin. Of course, that was just fancy talk for saying "you're ticking me off so I'm going far far away for a long long time". It was the dawn of his second week of freedom, and as he groomed himself, he couldn't help but feel as if something bad was going to occur to him in the near future.  
  
*********************************************************  
Miroku and Inuyasha, waiting in the bushes, patiently waited for the dog demon to find their little surprise.  
Inuyasha whispered," Okay, he's going to find the letter in three...two...." *****************************************************  
  
Sesshomaru then noticed a scroll on top of his pack. He undid the seal and unrolled the parchment to read:  
  
Dear Fluffy, Since so many people think that you are gay, how do you convince them otherwise? Please shout out the answer as soon as possible.  
-Friendly Forest Critters  
  
And without further ado, Sesshomaru ripped the note up into little pieces and stormed out of the campsite.  
  
**************************************************************  
  
It was dawn the next day, and Inuyasha and Miroku had caught up with Sesshomaru at his new campsite.  
Miroku panted," *gasp* How can you *pant* keep walking *wheeze* for so long?"  
Inuyasha brushed it off and bragged," I'm part demon, much better than you lowly mortals. Of course I have more energy."  
Sweat-dropping, Miroku planted a scroll on Sesshomaru's pack. Then he and Inuyasha hid in a nearby tree.  
  
***************************************************************  
  
Sesshomaru woke up and lazily stretched. His eye glanced over to his pack and saw that another scroll was there. Curiosity getting the better of him, he checked the contents, much different than yesterday:  
  
Dear Fluffy, We asked you politely to answer us, but did you listen? Nooooo. We will continue to hunt you until you answer us. We WILL have our way. To remind you of the question, here it is: Since so many people think you are gay, how do you convince them otherwise?  
-Very Big Forest Critters  
  
Sesshomaru unflinchingly tore this letter to itty bitty pieces. However, just to spite the authors of the note, he kept camp and stayed for the day.  
  
************************************************************ Around Midnight...  
  
Miroku drowsily asked," Inuyasha?"  
Inuyasha answered," Feh, what, can't sleep?"  
"No, it's not that, I was just wondering, when will he crack?" Miroku sleepily replied.  
"Soon. Very soon." Inuyasha ominously spoke. As soon as Miroku fell asleep, Inuyasha crept over to Sesshomaru's campsite and placed the third scroll by the demon lord's side. Inuyasha then forced himself to think of ramen and drool practically flew out of his mouth onto his elder brother. With his mission complete, he crept back to the tree and lightly slumbered.  
  
*********************************************************  
Morning, around 8:00  
  
Sesshomaru was not in his happy place. He woke up with his favorite outfit covered in saliva and a scroll digging into his side. Without changing out of his clothes, he contemplated reading the letter. Deciding he would like to hear the excuse that it held, he undid the seal and read the contents:  
  
Fluffy- Answer our question and we'll spare your life.  
-VERY Big and Hungry Forest Critters  
  
The letter didn't faze him at all. He was only shivering because of.. of his clothes! No, he wasn't afraid of some large youkai stalker without a scent..No, not him! But nonetheless, he hurriedly got on a new set of clothes and set a record time for closing camp.  
  
***********************************************************  
Miroku and Inuyasha stealthily crept after the full demon, making little noises so that he would be aware that they were following him. Miroku risked a glance towards Inuyasha and almost burst out laughing at the expression on his face. He looked like a little kid on Christmas morning! Inuyasha, sensing Miroku's stare, looked at him and said in a rather loud British accent, "Well, me mate, this is a jolly good hunt!" He then abruptly picked up Miroku and sped him over to a patch of bushes a bit away. Miroku was about to ask why when he noticed the jittery Sesshomaru poison-fang-ing everything in sight where they were 2 seconds ago. Noticing the lack of composure on the usually stoic dog demon, they burst out laughing, Inuyasha just barely getting Miroku out of the line of fire in time.  
  
***********************************************************  
It was almost dusk and Sesshomaru had set up camp long ago but hadn't done anything else. He seemed lost in his thoughts as sat on the ground with his arms hugging his legs and rocking to and fro with wide, terrified eyes. With every little noise he jumped and looked around madly for the source. In short, he looked like a sugar-high psycho.  
  
******************************************************  
  
Inside a nearby cave, Miroku and Inuyasha were munching on some chips that Kagome had given them for the trip while playing poker. So far Inuyasha was kicking Miroku's ass, since he had managed to so far get a full house, strait, four of a kind, and, on one of his worst rounds, three of a kind. And as for Miroku...he had jack squat. Inuyasha slammed his cards on the ground and sneered, "Read 'em and weep, Monk. A Royal Flush!" Miroku hung his head and put down his cards, a pair of twos.  
  
**********************************************************  
Sesshomaru had stayed up all night thinking. If he let them in on his "secret", then they would leave him alone. But giving in would be a blow to his pride! He pondered for a second when a rustle in the bushes made him duck under his blankets. He had decided. Tomorrow, he would tell them.  
  
***********************************************************  
It was the dawn of a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, Miroku was flat broke, and Sesshomaru was feeling the effects of paranoia. Inuyasha poked Miroku awake when he heard his half- brother call out," Very well, "friends", I will let you in on my secret. It's not like I'm scared or anything, I just tire of this silly charade."  
Miroku and Inuyasha perked up when they heard the demon lord's announcement. They grinned at each other and prepared to be enlightened. Sesshomaru matter-of-factly stated," I kill all those who oppose me. I am also a very well known pimp, womanizer, and sex god." His head swelled as he held the victory sign and cackled," OHOHOHOHO!!!! BEST IN THE WORLD, BABY!!!!"  
Miroku and Inuyasha face-faulted as Sesshomaru continued his "OHOHOHO"-ing that would make Kodachi Kuno and Ayeka proud (A/N: From Ranma ½ and Tenchi Muyo! respectively)  
  
*******************************************  
  
Packing up their stuff, Miroku sarcastically asked Inuyasha," Well, do you have any other bright ideas? I mean, this one worked out SO well.."  
Inuyasha retorted," Feh, just because he didn't give any useful advice doesn't mean this was a failure." Miroku looked up at him, his head cocked slightly in question.  
Inuyasha continued," If for nothing else, scaring Fluffy shitless was priceless!"  
Miroku chuckled in agreement, but in the back of his mind he wondered if maybe he could use the stalker routine to get answers from a certain youkai-slayer...  
  
BLOOPERS!!! BLOOPER 1: Sesshomaru then noticed a scroll on top of his pack. He undid the seal and unrolled the parchment to read:  
  
Dear Fluffy, Are you in need of more money? Are you sick of depending on a man and are looking for financial independence? Ladies, change all that! Join Heavenly Bodies, we're looking for dancers, waitresses, and cocktail servers!  
  
BLOOPER 2: Miroku and Inuyasha perked up when they heard the demon lord's announcement. They grinned at each other and prepared to be enlightened.  
Sesshomaru burst into tears as he lisped," I AM gay! I'm tho gay ith not even funny! Theriouthly!" 


	7. Just A Bit of Harmless Flirting

Ever Happy: Thank you so much!! Personally, that was my favorite chapter too.....  
  
VioletRose4: Yes, Sesshomaru is a hottie...... Glad to hear you thought Chapter 6 was funny.  
  
Disclaimer: Do I have to tell you yet another time? I don't own Inuyasha, but I do own Kei!  
  
Ch. 7: A Bit of Harmless Flirting  
  
Miroku, Inuyasha, Kagome, and Shippo were just lazing about waiting for Sango to come back from her demon exterminating. Suddenly, Miroku felt the hairs on the back of his neck pringle, as if sensing danger.  
He murmured," I sense an ominous cloud coming to the village." Everybody stared at him until Shippo asked," What's with him?" Kagome answered," Sango withdrawal." Inuyasha and Shippo chucked as Miroku sighed. Why did they never believe him? Inuyasha perked up and announced," Hey, I can smell that Sango's back. Now we can FINALLY get back to shard-hunting!"  
Shippo argued," Hey! What about Kagome? What if she has a test? Shouldn't you check in with her to see if it's okay?" Kagome herself was too shocked by this outburst to respond. Inuyasha asked," Why would I care what a stupid wench has on her agenda?"  
Shippo immediately answered," Because she's your woman!"  
While Kagome and Inuyasha's faces imitated ripe tomatoes, Miroku walked around, trying to locate his Sango-chan. After a couple of minutes, he heard an unusually high pitched and perky voice giggle," Oh, that's sooooooo cute!" Curious as to what or who could manage to sound so annoying, he followed the tittering to find Sango and a girl her age conversing. The girl had long brown hair in an elaborate braid/bun, slanted brown eyes, and wore a pink and purple kimono. He smilingly approached them and greeted," Hello ladies. Welcome back Sango-chan. And who might your friend be?"  
Sango brightly smiled," Oh! Houshi-sama!" She gave him a brief hug. "Good to see you again! We were just talking about you!"  
The girl openly oogled him and squealed," Oooooh, I like I like!"  
Miroku edged away from her as Sango introduced the girl as her childhood friend Mitsurugi Kei. Sango explained," You see, Houshi-sama, Kei is actually just like you!" Miroku cautiously asked," How..?" Sango exclaimed," He's also gay!"  
Miroku squeaked," He?!?!" Kei giggled," YUP! I just cross-dress for fun!" He then grabbed Miroku's hands and seriously asked," Will you be my lover?" Sweatdropping, Miroku ripped his hands from the strange man and ran like the dickens.  
  
*************************************************************************  
  
When Miroku finally gathered the courage to go back to Kaede's hut (afraid of what he might meet there), he was immediately glomped on by the very reason he was nervous.  
"HOUSHI-SAMA-CHAN!" Kei squealed, affixed to his side.  
Kagome and Sango giggled as Miroku shot them a desperate "help me" look.  
Shippo confusedly asked," Hang on, so you're really a guy? But why are you dressed like a girl?"  
Kei, still hugging Miroku, smilingly replied," Well, I think that girls are cooler than guys, so I turned into one!"  
Everyone, with the exception of Kei, sweatdropped. Sango interluded," Well, I figured that since Houshi-sama is gay and Kei is gay, that they would make a cute couple!"  
Kei giggled," Well, thank you for your blessing Sango-chan!" His eyes went sparkly. "I have finally found my soul mate!"  
During this entire conversation, Miroku had been trying to pry Kei off of him. Kei, noticing his struggle, made goo-goo eyes at him and flirted," Well, baby, maybe we should go somewhere a little bit more private, hm?" And with that, he dragged him out of the hut.  
Miroku squeaked," HELP!!!"  
  
*************************************************************  
  
Our favorite monk, now tied to a tree, could only hopelessly struggle as Kei started to apply a feudal version of lipstick to his lips. Winking at Miroku, he flirtatiously said," Darling, you're so cute! Pretending to struggle, just to make me laugh!" He giggled and then seductively murmured," I just know you want me, baby." As Kei leaned in to kiss Miroku, the poor monk squeezed his eyes shut, dreading what would soon happen.....only to get hit in the head by Hirakatsu. He dazedly heard Sango angrily huff," You two lovebirds can play later! Kagome said that lunch is ready." And with that she stormed off. Kei murmured," What's up with her?" and hurriedly untied Miroku. As Miroku cricked his back, Kei jumped onto his back squealing " Gimme a piggy-back ride, luh-ver!" With dots for eyes and a gigantic sweatdrop on his head, Miroku sighed and carried the crossdresser back to the village.  
  
************************************************************  
  
The moment Miroku had gotten into the hut, he collapsed from sheer exhaustion. Kei confusedly started slapping Miroku's face and reprimanded, "No, it's not sleepy time, it's lunch time!! Wake up darling!!" Kagome hurriedly said," Um, Kei, here, um, here's your cup!" Kagome held up the aforesaid ramen and Kei zoomed over there, her "darling" forgotten. Miroku groaned and sat up. He smelled the coaxing aroma of the ramen and trudged over to Kagome and plopped down. Kagome wordlessly handed him some ramen. Inuyasha rudely pointed at Kei and asked,"Oi, wench, er, I mean, whatever, are you coming with us to look for shards or not? We're leaving really soon and we don't need any extra people to look after. cough*likeShippo*cough."  
Kagome annoyedly yelled," SIT boy!" And down he went.  
Kei pondered," Hmmm.....is darling going?"  
Sango answered," Yes, he is."  
Kei happily clapped his hands and announced," OKAY!!" He snuggled into Miroku, making him choke on his ramen. "Wherever you go, I go, luh- ver!" Kagome sighed," How romantic...". Shippo and Inuyasha made gagging noises, and Sango "humph"-ed.  
Kei, finally realizing Miroku was choking, pounded him on the back and stole his chopsticks. When he finally stopped coughing, Kei then tried to feed Miroku some of the ramen.  
"Er, Mitsurugi-san, I do believe that I can feed myself."  
"Don't be silly honey, I can feed you! And call me Kei-chan!" Then Kei got an idea.  
"I know what you want darling!" He placed some ramen in his mouth and suctioned Miroku's face onto his, transferring the ramen into his mouth. Miroku's eyes bulged and he disentangled himself from Kei and zoomed from the hut faster than you could say "Ew, gross!" Everyone could hear the sounds of somebody retching outside. Kei naively remarked," Oh, Darling probably heard that poor person puking and went to help! What a prince!"  
Everybody face-faulted.  
  
****************************************************************  
  
It was the next day and the Inu-gumi was getting ready to make tracks. Kei sat in a corner watching everyone hustle and bustle, making sure that they had all of the necessities. Kei had done a lot of thinking the previous night. Sure, it had looked like he spent the majority of that time chasing around Miroku, trying to get him to sleep with him, but that was only on the surface. Inside, he had been watching the monk's actions, and things didn't quite add up. If what Sango-chan said was true, Kei mused, then my Houshi must be very good at acting straight. He glanced at Miroku once more, and then made his decision. 


	8. Quality Time By the Campfire

Wow, I didn't think that Kei would be so popular! I was actually trying to make him as annoying as possible…..^_^;;;  Since I started school on Monday, I won't be able to update as quickly as I have been, but I could be persuaded to keep up the pace *cough**REVIEWScough*  Anyway, sorry about forgetting to put in bloopers for the last chapter as somebody pointed out to me; I completely forgot!  Now on with the story!**

          Disclaimer: If I owned Inuyasha, then you wouldn't want to know the scary things I'd do with the characters.  Bwahahahahahaha!

Ch. 8: Quality Time By the Campfire

          "INUYASHAAAAAAAAAA!!" Sango yelled, mimicking Kagome (a/n: You know, like when they're in the middle of a battle?  *shudders* SO annoying!).  The Inu-gumi (which now includes Kei) laughed.  

          They were a couple days' walk from the village. They were sitting by the campfire, bored as hell,and after Kagome had explained how to play "Truth or Dare", Kei, Sango, and Shippo had convinced them all to join in. 

          Sango turned to Kagome and asked," Okay, now it's your turn. Truth or dare?"

          Kagome pondered then said," Dare."  Kei, suctioned (surprise) to Miroku's side, happily squealed, earning flat stares from Inuyasha and Shippo.

          Sango evily grinned and snickered," I dare you to say "I love Inuyasha" after every sentence. Starting now."

          "Mou, you're so cruel Sango! I love Inuyasha." Kagome pouted while  Miroku, Sango, and Kei laughed as Inuyasha's face tinted the slightest bit of pink.  

Kagome then smirked at Miroku and asked," Truth or dare."  Miroku got the vague feeling that he should NEVER EVER pick "dare" again with Kagome in the kind of mood she was in. 

          "Truth." 

          Kagome snapped her fingers in annoyance and muttered," And I had the perfect dare too……" She suddenly got an idea and asked," Miroku, if you could know anything in the world that you don't already know, what would it be? I love Inuyasha."

          Kei, Inuyasha, and Shippo gave Kagome blank stares as Miroku pondered.  He honestly answered," I'd LOVE to know how women's minds work."  

          Sango laughed," Well, that's Houshi-sama for you!"Kei giggled along too.  

Miroku then asked Inuyasha," Inuyasha, truth or dare?"

          Inuyasha said," FEH! Dare! Gimme your best shot!"

          Miroku smirked," I dare you to shout "I hate Kikyo" as loud as you can." 

 Inuyasha gave Miroku the evil eye but nonetheless shouted," OI!! I HATE KIKYO!"  

A voice behind Inuyasha coldly asked," Really, Inuyasha?"  Everybody sweatdropped as Kikyo came out from the bushes.  

Inuyasha started waving his hands around and stuttered," Ki-Kikyo!

What are- I mean when- I mean- I DIDN'T MEAN IT KIKYO!!!" Kikyo stormed off in a huff and Inuyasha followed, trying to convince her that she had heard him wrong. 

 Miroku internally counted, _Three…..two……one…._

Kagome growled,"That baka! It's always Kikyo-this and Kikyo- that! Sango, I'm going home, can I borrow Kirara?"

          Sango answered," Sure, I'll come with."

After the girls had left, silence reigned the campsite like an emperor over his country.  Finally, Miroku left the fox demon and the cross-dresser by themselves, excusing himself to go for a walk.   

          Shippo ventured," Kei?"

Kei responded," Yes, Shippo-chan?"

He asked," You do realize that Miroku likes Sango and not you, right?"

Sadly, the man nodded his head.  He looked up at the sky and 

spoke," When I first met him, I did think that he might have an interest in me, but then I noticed that he seemed to glance more at Sango than at me.  I guess I was just trying to deceive myself….."  They were both fell silent.  

Finally, Shippo curiously asked," Does Sango feel the same about Miroku?"

Kei grinned," Obviously!  Don't you see the battle aura that spouts out every time I make a pass on Houshi-sama-chan?"

Shippo giggled.  It was true.  Why, just this morning his nose detected the scent of jealously pouring off the the demon extermintator in tidal waves.

Kei proposed," So, in their best interests, let's say we join forces as matchmakers!"

Shippo hesitated,"Well………."

          Kei interrupted," There's no backing down now! It's all set! The plans are in motion! We're a team, the dynamic duo!"

          Shippo, catching the excitement, eagerly asked," So what's the plan?"

          Kei confusedly asked," Plan?"

Shippo facefaulted.  

**                   BLOOPERS!!!**

**Blooper 1:**

She suddenly got an idea and asked," Miroku, if you could know anything in the world that you don't already know, what would it be? I love Inuyasha."

          He honestly answered," Oh, that's easy.  Why can't I ever get a girl?! I'm a badass, sexy man!"

**Blooper 2:**

 Everybody sweatdropped as Kikyo came out from the bushes.  

          Inuyasha asked," Okay, Kikyo, what the hell were you doing in the bushes?!"

          Kikyo sweatdropped," Uh…….."


	9. Operation Get Them Together

          Disclaimer: Sadly, even though I'm writing this fic, that doesn't mean I own Inuyasha.  Also, Trogdor doesn't belong to me, he belongs to _____.  (Take a peek; it's so hilarious!)

Ch. 9: Operation Get-Them-Together

The Inu-gumi had collected another couple of shards, and they had trekked back to the village so Sango and Miroku's wounds (from the demon) could heal.  About 5 minutes away from the town, Kei and Shippo were formulating their plan.

Kei argued," I'm telling you, we should leave them alone for a really long time! That way, they HAVE to talk!"

Shippo argued back," And I'm telling _you_ that they would kill each other before they would kiss! It would be much better to put them in a cabin during a snowstorm with only one blanket!"

Kei sweatdropped and asked," Okay, _where_ did you come up with THAT idea? It's so lame and cliché!"  And with that he threw his hands up in frustration and started pacing. Shippo started balancing on his head; it wasn't like he could actually think of anything.  

Finally Kei slumped down onto the ground and sighed," It's hopeless.  I can't think of anything!"  Almost as if it was a sign from the gods, he received a present from above; bird crap.  

Shippo was laughing like a lunatic while Kei screeched,'' EIIIIII!!! MY HAIR, MY BEAUTIFULL HAIR!! IT'S RUINED!!" He started shaking his fist in the general direction of where the perpetrator went and yelled," I'M SO GONNA KILL YOUUUUU!!!!!"

Staring at Kei, something finally clicked in the fox-demon's brain.  He started tugging on Kei's pants and said," KEI! I have a plan!"

Kei intelligently asked," Eh?"

Jumping up and down, Shippo excitedly repeated," Kei, I have a foolproof plan!  Here, listen." He whispered his idea to Kei, whose constant nodding and ever-growing smile clued you in that it was a keeper.

**********************************

Kagome was saying good-bye to Miroku and Sango.

"Bye guys! I'll see you in a couple of days!"

Miroku asked," Kagome-sama, maybe could you bring back some of those crunchy triangle things?"

Kagome knowingly grinned," You mean Doritos? Sure, I'll bring a bag just for you.  Any requests Sango-chan?"

Sango vigorously nodded and said," Carmello bars.  Lots and lots of Carmello bars."

Sweatdropping at the Dorito-obsessed monk and chocolate-addict yokai slayer, she left the room.  Of course, she had already taken care of Inuyasha, so she could take her own sweet time getting to the well. 

********************   

          Inuyasha, with drool coming out of his mouth and with eyes as wide as a fish, stared intently at the lava lamp and 

said," Ooooohhhhh, pretty colors…….."

*********************

          Sango was asleep and Miroku was just gazing boredly at the ceiling when Kei burst into the hut.  

          "Houshi-sama-chan! We have a problem!" The crossdresser hyperventilated.

          Ignoring the nickname, Miroku asked," What do you mean, Kei-san?"

          Kei, out of breath, panted," There was this demon and, and, and, HE'S ON A RAMPAGE!!!!  And, and, and even worse-"

          Miroku urged," What, Kei-san?"

          Kei burst into tears," IT TORE MY KIMONOOOO!"

Miroku facefaulted, then composed himself in record time. Ignoring his wounds, he stood up, grabbed his staff and tonelessly said," Let Sango-chan sleep, she needs her rest.  I can handle this by myself, and she's already hurt."

Sitting on the floor, Kei sniffed as Miroku ran out of the hut, determined to put an end to the demon threat.  As soon as he was out of range, Kei started shaking Sango as if he was trying to revive the dead.   

          "W-w-wh-wha-what?!" Sango said, her voice distorted by the shaking.  

          Kei ceased shaking her and burst into tears.  Sango worriedly tried to comfort him, while internally wondering, _What__ in seven hells is going on?_

          Kei finally told her," *hiccup* S-s-sango-chan, Houshi-sama-chan went *hiccup* to fight a-a-a-a *hiccup* DEMON! Waaaaah!!" He resumed his sobbing as Sango determinedly got up, put on her Taigiya outfit, grabbed Hiraikatsu, and raced out of the humble abode in less than a minute.  As soon as she was out the door, Kei stopped his crying and smirked," It's all up to you now, Shippo-chan. Operation Get-Them-Together-If-It's-The-Last-Thing-We-Do will succeed if it _is the last thing we do." And with that, he started to re-apply his makeup. _

*********************

          _10 minutes later in Inuyasha's Forest….._

Sango and Miroku simultaneously came into the same clearing through opposite ends.

          "Houshi-sama!"

          "Sango-chan!"

They had no time for staring at each other, for the demon was also in the clearing, burning random shrubbery and twigs.

Shippo, transformed into an exact replica of Trogdor (for those of you who don't know what/who he is, here's an explanation: He's a dragon with one muscular human arm and his body is in the shape of an "S" He's a cartoon dragon, kinda SD).  

He threw flames at a stick and started his ranting.

          "BURNANATING THE TWIGS!  BURNANATING NATURE!"

Sango and Miroku sweatdropped and in unision thought, _This__ is the big, bad, scary demon?_

Shippo/Trogdor flamed Miroku and cried," BURNANATING THE PEASANTS!!!!"  And with that he "poofed" smoke around himself and disappeared, leaving the monk and demon exterminator by themselves.

          "Houshi-sama!" Sango cried, reaching his side.

Miroku reassured her," It's nothing to worry about, Sango-chan." He frowned," I thought I told Kei-san to let you sleep!"

          Sango huffed," And let you kill yourself out here? I don't think so! Let me remind you, you're pretty banged up from a couple days ago. You shouldn't even be-"

          Chuckling, Miroku interrupted," Well, I do believe that even Shippo could have handled _that_ demon." Sango had to laugh at that.

          He hesitantly continued,'' Sango-chan, I have something I need to speak with you about."

          Sango nodded and replied," Me too.  I also have something to say."

                                      **BLOOPERS!**

Blooper 1:

 About 5 minutes away from the town, Kei and Shippo were formulating their plan.  

Kei said," I don't know if they will accept us, honey."

Shippo reassured him," Don't worry, dear, we can always elope."

Blooper 2: 

          "Houshi-sama!"

          "Sango-chan!"

A midget wearing all green suddenly leapt out of the bushes and said," And I'm the Keebler Elf! Let's all be friends and get fat together eating my many brands of cookies!"

Blooper 3:

          "Houshi-sama!"

          "Sango-chan!"

They had no time for staring at each other, for the demon was also in the clearing.  It hesitantly raised a claw and said," *cough* Hello, my name is Erkal *ahem*, but you can call me Godzilla.  *wheeze* I'm looking for a city where I can possibly take a pretty *gag* woman hostage while hanging off the side of tall building. *pant* Can you point me in the right direction?"


	10. Unexpected Turn of Events

Disclaimer: I used to think that I owned Inuyasha, but many, many lawsuits finally convinced me otherwise.  Oh yeah, and "Clubbin'" belongs to Marques Houston and R. Kelly.  

CH. 10: Unexpected Turn Of Events

       Shippo was scurrying back to the village with a grin on his face that would make Hojo-the-dense-man jealous.  He had just left Sango and Miroku to their devices, and he was POSITIVE that they had started doing some weird grownup thing, like confessing their undying devotion to each other or complaining about their achin' backs.  Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks. There was a strange yet familiar scent in the air……the young fox demon eagerly sniffed the air as if he was looking for waffles, until realization hit him.  His eyes widened as he saw where the scent had come from and who it was.

          "Naraku……."

********************        

Miroku and Sango stood in awkward silence until Miroku said," Ladies first, Sango.  What is it you wanted to tell me?"

          Sango hesitantly started," Houshi-sama………." Inhaling deeply, she boldly stated," I know what is to happen in the future"

          Miroku's jaw dropped to the ground and he stuttered," H-h-how, wh-wh-why, w-w-w-whe-when, w-what….."

          Sango's eyes suddenly burned a blood-red color and she let out in a deeper voice," I foresee your death……"

Suddenly Sango's form melted and twisted into everybody's favorite villain, Naraku.

Regaining his composure, Miroku, with his staff in a battle stance, cried out," Naraku!"

Naraku started his "evil laugh", "Kukukukukuku-HACK!" Suddenly, he started coughing and wheezing for breath. Miroku facefaulted.  Taking a sip from a water flask at his side, Naraku asked," Do you realize how stressful it is on my vocal cords to laugh like that every 3 seconds?  But anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, *ahem* KUKUKUUKUKKUKUUUUUU!"  

**********************

          As soon as Shippo had double-checked the air to make sure he was right in his assumption, he hightailed it to Inuyasha.

          "INUYASHA, INUYASHA!! IT'S NARAKU! HE'S GOT MIROKU CORNERED! YOU GOTTA HELP HIM!!"

          But Inuyasha was not to be budged from his lava-lamp reverie.

          A lightbulb popped up above Shippo's head, flickered, died, then came back from the great beyond as the mini-demon had an idea. He pointed in the general direction of Miroku and Naraku's location and yelled," Is that Kikyo I smell?!"

          Inuyasha perked up and broke his eye contact with the hippie delight and hopefully asked," Really?"

          Nodding vigorously, Shippo commanded," FETCH BOY!"

And off Inuyasha went, on all fours.        

********************

          As Miroku was dealing with the asthmatic-wannabe and Shippo was messing with the lava-lamp-addict, the real Sango had gone with Kei to the well to pick up Kagome. (A/N: Yes, I know that she just went back home last chapter, but deal with it, okay peoples? Just think happy thoughts and keep reading…..)  The trio was talking about their favorite thing: CheesyPuffs. 

          Kei bubbled," I just LOVE how they are crunchy yet weightless at the same time!"

          Kagome added," And OH, that CHEESE! YUM!"

Sango sweatdropped and said," Okaaaaaay……."

Suddenly, they heard a high-pitched scream coming from Inuyasha's forest.  

          Kagome thought aloud," That kinda sounded like a guy…."

          Kei, with happy tears, said," I SALUTE YOU, FELLOW GIRLY MAN!" 

          Sango urgently pressed," Let's go check it out.  Somebody could be in trouble!"

          And so the girls raced off to see what the heck was going on.

********************

          "EEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKK!"

Inuyasha, his brain fully functional again, heard the girly scream of anguish and thought, _Kikyo must be in trouble. I gotta go save her!_

******************

          "EEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKK!" Naraku cried, as he sat bawling on the ground.  

          "*hiccup* I-I-I-I BROKE A NAIL!!! WAAAAHHHH!!!"

_Flashback to 2 minutes ago……_

_          "Die, insolent monk!" Naraku cried, charging Miroku.  However, he didn't notice the root sticking out of the ground and, of course, he was introduced to Inuyasha's good friend dirt.  _

_Back to now……._

Inuyasha suddenly shwooped in from the treetops and asked," Kikyo?  Are you over here?"

Miroku looked at him, astounded at his one-track-mindedness, while Naraku screeched," YOU DARE MENTION THAT WENCH WHILE I'M HERE WRITHING IN PAIN BECAUSE PINKIE-SAMA'S NAIL BROKE?!" He pointed an accusing finger at Inuyasha and darkly muttered," You're even more vile than I assumed, half-breed."

Inuyasha jeered," When you assume, you make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"!" (A/N: LOL, have you ever heard that? Story of my life. Ass-u-me  ^.^)

Naraku didn't get a chance to give a retort, for the girls then came crashing through the bushes and yelled," HeeLLOOOOO!! Anybody need help?!"

Naraku waving his arms, called," Over here! Fashion emergency!"  Sango and Kagome sweatdropped at the villain, but Kei zoomed right up to him and started treating "Pinkie-sama", all the while coo-ing that everything would be all right.  When his pinkie was no longer in critical condition, Naraku leapt to his feet and started in full-blown villain speech," NOW THAT PINKIE-SAMA IS BETTER, I SHALL DESTROY ALL OF YOU, JUST BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT! KUKUKUKUKUKUKUUUUU!!"

But before Naraku could get to smiting anyone, Shippo came waltzing in the clearing, Kagome's CD player and earphones on, while singing," Last call, for alcohol…" 

Kei chirped," Sake? Count me in!"

Naraku cheered," A-MEN, girlfriend! 

Miroku dared," Last one to the tavern has to pay!"

And so poor Shippo was left in the dust by the sake-deprived youths.  

**                   BLOOPERS!**

**Blooper 1**:

There was a strange yet familiar scent in the air……the young fox demon eagerly sniffed the air as if he was looking for waffles, until realization hit him.  

          "Ewww, who cut the cheese?"

**Blooper 2**:

Suddenly, they heard a high-pitched scream coming from Inuyasha's forest.  

          Kagome cackled," HAHAHAHAA!! My Kikyo traps worked perfectly!"

**Blooper 3**:

Inuyasha, now having his brain fully functional again, heard the girly scream of anguish and thought, _Kikyo must be in trouble. I must go make Kagome jealous by cheating on her with my dead ex-girlfriend!_


	11. Fun at the Tavern

**Please take 5 seconds of your time and read this! **

Ryochan8: I HAVE GOTTEN 100 REVIEWS!!!! *bursts out crying in happiness*

          Kei: Oh wow, I'm SO popular! Thank you, my loyal fans!  

          Shippo: Shove off Kei, I'M the BEST character in this fic and you know it!

          Naraku: You're all just jealous of Pinkie-sama!

          Everybody but Naraku: o.0;;;

          Ryochan: Anyhoo, I've decided as a thank-you to all my great reviewers, I'm giving everyone a gift!

          Miroku: Isn't that just bribery to read on?

          Ryochan: NO IT'S NOT!

          Sango: I have to agree with Houshi-sama.

          Kei: *glomping Miroku* Houshi-sama-chan is ALWAYS right!

          Naraku: And THESE are my rivals?

          Sesshomaru: You don't know the worst of it. *points to Inuyasha and Shippo fighting over a Kagome plushie*

          Ryochan: ^_^;; Moving on with our lives, the gift would be an extra of some sort.  Either a Kei backstory, more bloopers, or anything else you guys can think of.  But for now, I would just like to mention the people that kept me at the keyboard  and inspired me to keep updating.

                    Duo the Dark Magician

                    Aamalie

                    Kaze No Kagura

                    Missy-Bee

                    VioletRose4

                    Ghoul King

                    Ever Happy

                    Akikaze No Uta

                    Kango ()

                    Crystal Sapphire

                    Suns Golden Ray

Thank you guys SO much, and enjoy the chappie!

          Disclaimer: Welcome to the Department of Redundancy Department!  I don't own the show Inuyasha that I don't own! 

Fun at the Tavern

          Touya's Tavern.  Great place to hole up for the night, even better place to get drunk.  

          "Sho I twyed an' I twyed *hiccup*, but K'kyo nevah liked me *hiccup*.  Ish der somfing wong wif me?" Naraku lamented.

          Shippo patted him on the back and consoled," There, there, Naraku, have another sake….."

          The whole gang had taken a table at the tavern and was chugging down the alcohol like it would disappear any moment.  Inuyasha slammed his now-empty cup on the table and 

hollered," More sake!"  

          A chubby man we could only assume was Touya himself waddled over and placed another 5 bottles on the table.  He bowed and said," Enjoy, honored KILL DROWN STRANGLE MAIM  customers.  Just holler if you DIE EVIL MONKEYS need me." And with that he tottered away.

          A seriously drunk Miroku giggled," Hehehe, he's BLUE!  Swirly dots everywhere!"

          Kagome, the only sober person besides Sango, sighed," No, Miroku, he must have Tourettes Syndrome."

            Inuyasha, shirtless and with doodles all over his face, arms, and chest/stomach, suddenly leapt onto the table and slurred," Lookit me!" And with that, he started belly-dancing.  

          Kagome yelled," Okay, who drew all over Inuyasha?!"

Naraku whistled innocently and hid a permanent marker behind his back.

          Kei flirted," Oh 'ku-chan, how DO yew keep yowr hair sho fine?"

          Naraku, the sake wearing off, flatly said," I use shampoo like everybody else on this fricken planet."

          Kei pouted," Don't yew tink my hair ish nice tew?"

          Naraku monotonously said," It's just hair."

Kagome turned to Sango and asked," Aren't those two cute together?"

          " I think it's just sick," she replied.

          "But Sango-chan, ish da power of love!" Miroku cried.

Sango sighed and thought, _The power of love? Yeah, right. If only……Miroku no baka! Why do you have to be gay? Why did I have to fall for you? _

Deep in the recesses of Miroku's brain, a trigger went off as soon as he heard Sango sigh.  _Red alert, red alert, unhappy Sango, take action ASAP!_

Miroku grabbed her into an embrace and yelled," I WUV YOU! I WILL FER-EVAH!"

          Did Miroku not realize that Sango was on his left, not his right?

          Naraku, being squeezed to death by Miroku, coldly said," I only love Kikyo."

          Miroku punched Naraku and indignantly cried out," Not yew! I wuv S'go-chan! She's my gurl! Right, S'go-chan?"

          But Sango was no longer there.

*************************

          As soon as Sango had seen Miroku pull Naraku into an embrace and declare his undying love for him, she had gotten out of there as fast as she could and was now running with tears flowing down her cheeks with no intention of stopping anytime soon.

          _How could he?! Why……how?! How could he love that bastard?!  He killed my family! He cursed him! It doesn't make sense!_

          She tripped and fell to the ground but made no move to get up. 

_Can't he just care for me? Just a little bit?_, she internally wailed.

 She sobbed herself to sleep, right in the middle of the field.  Overhead, storm clouds rolled in and thunder boomed ominously.  

******************

          As soon as Kagome saw the huge mistake that Miroku had made, she marched to the kitchen so she could get some ice-cold water to sober up the monk.  If only life was so simple.

          "Excuse me, could I please have a glass of ice cold water?" Kagome asked politely.

          "Eh?" The two guys working there asked.  One of them had short black hair with a goatee and the other had long hair in a makeshift bandanna.

Kagome repeated," Can I please have a glass of ice-cold water?"

          The two guys looked at each other and the one with the goatee said," Me llamo Juan.  Yo no hablan Japanese.  ?Que te quieres? (_My name is Juan. I don't speak Japanese. What do you want?)_"

          Kagome huffed," What the heck are you saying?! Speak Japanese!"

          The one with the bandanna pointed at her and said," Ah, Ella esta muy, MUY enojada. (_Uh-oh, she's very, VERY mad)._"

          Kagome, seeing red, gritted out," Are. You. Making. Fun. Of. Me."

          The two Spaniards backed up in terror. 

          "DIE!" She yelled, knocking both of them out. 

Humming to herself while she got the cold water, she complained," Man, those guys were so rude!"

                   BLOOPERS!

**Blooper 1:**

          Inuyasha, shirtless and with doodles all over his face, arms, and chest/stomach, suddenly leapt onto the table and sang," I love you, you love me, we're a great big family……" 

Shippo ran screaming from the tavern," AH! THE HORROR, THE HORROR! MY PURE VIRGIN EARS HAVE BEEN TAINTED!" 

**Blooper 2:**

Kei flirted," Oh 'ku-chan, how DO yew keep yowr hair sho fine?"

Naraku boasted," I steal Herbal Essences from Fluffy all the time!"

          Kagome turned to Sango and said," Now, if _he's not gay, then I don't know what is!"_

          ****


	12. The Search For Sango

Disclaimer: Okay, if you don't realize that I don't own Inuyasha by now, then you must be in special ed.

**CH.**** 12: Sango and the 7 Naiveté's **

All was calm and peaceful in Touya's Tavern.

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!" Miroku yelled.

Or maybe not.

"It's the truth! You declared your everlasting love for Naraku in front of Sango!" Kagome yelled back.

Naraku raised a hand and said," I'll vouch for that."

Kei stormed up to Miroku and shrieked," WE ARE SO THROUGH HOUSHI-SAMA-CHAN!" kicked him on the shins, and ran off crying to a random corner.

Shippo called out," Player! Pimp! Maninizer AND womanizer!"  

"Can we all try to rationally talk this out?" 

Everybody froze.  Not actually because the person asked them to, only out of shock.  **Inuyasha** had _calmly_ and_ quietly asked them to shut up in nice-people terms._

Naraku bug-eyed, abrubtly ran out the door.  

            Kei screamed," THE APOCALYPSE HAS COME! CROSSDESSERS AND PUPPIES FIRST!!!!" and he promptly dove under the table.

            Kagome reached over and felt Inuyasha's forehead and said," Nope, no fever.  What's gotten into you, Inuyasha?"  

            Miroku, stifling his laughter, pointed under the table and said," I do believe that Kei-san needs some help."  And there Kei was, rocking back and forth with bug eyes, murmuring unintelligible nonsense.  

            Inuyasha, sipping a cup of tea that had magically appeared in his hands, serenely said," Kaede-baba has been giving me and Kikyo relationship counseling.  We were able to soothe our souls and are now back on speaking terms."

            Miroku urgently cut in," I'm sure we would all LOVE to hear about your lovely anger management course with the dirtbag, but WHERE is Sango-chan?!"

*********************

_Flashback to 20 minutes ago……._

Sango, passed out in an open field, was being pelted by the falling rain.  A figure running by noticed her, hesitated, then picked her up and continued on its way.  

                                                _Now……_

            Sango thought, _This is SO not happening to me._

She had woken up unusually warm for having fallen asleep on the ground, but she had soon found out the where and why.

She was in the middle of any teen girl's sick fantasy.

You see, the person that had picked her up was actually a guy.  A guy that lived in the middle of the forest.  A really HOT guy that lived with his equally hot 6 brothers.  A family of guys that had never met a woman before.  

            And now they were treating her like a goddess.  

"Sango-sama, would you like some more food?-or possibly a drink?" a brunette formerly introduced as Reisho asked.

            "Really, I'm fine.  And I told you before, please just call me Sango," Sango protested.

            "I know just what you need, Sango-sama.  GROUP HUG!" a blonde named Hikou exclaimed.

The boys swarmed Sango and engulfed her in their "family hug".  But, despite how creeped out she was, Sango couldn't help but be touched by their sweetness and sincerity.  

Looks like Miroku's got some competion.

******************

              After convincing Kei that the apocalypse had indeed NOT yet come, they had gone outside to search for their MIA (A/N: that's "missing in action" for all you slow people out there like me….) femme fatale.  

            Kei whined," I don't WANNA search in the mud!  This is a new kimono!"

Kagome, suddenly enlightened, turned to Inuyasha and asked," Hey Inuyasha, with your nose I'll bet that you could find Sango easily!"

            Inuyasha, the tea's effect wearing off on him, said," Feh" but started sniffing the ground half-heartedly.

            Shippo cried," Alright, I am SO tired of your stupid attitude problem, Inuyasha.  SUGAR ATTACK!" And with that, he shoved 20 pixie sticks down Inuyasha's throat. Inuyasha gagged, choked, then swallowed.  Then he flopped over and lay twitching on the ground.  Miroku poked him and asked," Is he dead?"  Shippo solemnly prayed over him chanting," May he rest in peeeeace."

            Suddenly, the hanyou perked up and leapt to his feet.  He had the biggest grin on his face and he appeared to be in SD (A/N: Or, as some people may call it, chibi) mode.  He pounced the ground and started energetically sniffing, almost inhaling the mud.  He swiftly caught Sango's scent and ran, singing,"    

                                 Follow my nose

                                Wherever it goes

                               To the flavors of fruit

                                Or to a Taigiya's hiding spot!"

Sweatdropping and trying not to die laughing, Kagome, Shippo, Miroku and Kei followed behind.

Miroku thought, _Sango_………..I'm coming.  Wait for me……….__

**BLOOPERS!!!**

**Blooper 1:**

Miroku urgently cut in," I'm sure we would all LOVE to hear about your lovely anger management course with the dirtbag, but WHERE is Sango-chan?!"

*******

            Somewhere off on a sandy beach in the south of Florida, Sango, garbed in a blue one-piece swimsuit and being drooled at by countless cabana boys, sneezed.  

**Blooper 2:**

            Sango thought, _This is SO not happening to me._

She shrieked," I'M ALL COVERED in **MUD! Ewwwwwww, get it off, get it off!"**


	13. Cursed

Ryochan8: Hey hey heeeeeeeeey!!!  Guess what? I'm too lazy to do the disclaimer so I paid off somebody else to do it!  *turns to random person next to her* Hit it!

Yogurt: *reading monotonously off sheet of paper* Ryochan8 does not own the characters of Inuyasha. *suddenly yells and holds up ring* USE THE SHWARTZ!!!!!  

Ryochan8: *Sweatdropping* Okaaay……. But whatever, on with the chapter!

Yogurt, fighting to get in a word: WAIT! DON'T GO! BUY SOME OF MY "SPACEBALLS" MERCHANDISE! *Picks up a Mog doll, pulls string, and you hear it say "I'm a Mog, a cross between a man and a dog! I'm my own best friend!*   

**Authors Note**: Sorry I haven't been able to update like I used to (like, almost every day.  Ah, those were the days……) School sucks, blah blah blah, you've heard it all before……. A couple people have been asking about the extra that I promised because of the 100 reviews.  Well peoples, I'm still working on it but I swear I will get it up soon!  As to what it is, most of you thought that the Kei backstory would be cool, so that's what it's going to be.  Now, finally you can start reading the story!

          **_Dictionary for peeps that just don't know that much:_**

**Subway sandwiches: *in announcer voice* Ladies and gents, get your sandwiches here, hot and yummy, unless you ordered it cold!  Subway = best place for sandwiches besides a deli**

**San: A formality, usually translated as "Miss" or "Mr." It's a term of respect.**

**Chan: A word used for affection, often translated as "little" or "dear".  Most often used between friends, young kids, or animals.   **

**Houshi-sama-chan: Kei's nickname for Miroku, it's actually a word I made up, but can be deciphered as "Little Lord Monk" or "Darling Lord Monk"**

**Sama: Usually translated as "Lord" or "Lady".  Basically, if you worship the ground the person walks on, you call them this. **

**Ch.**** 13: Cursed**

            A figure enshrouded in darkness gazed into a pool of water.  On its surface was a young lady and the seven brothers.  The figure glared at their happiness and started to glow with red ki.  It shook its head, took a deep breath, and started to silently chant.  Words materialized into smoke and wisped onto the surface of the water.

_Noroi_

_Wasureru_

_                                                Suimin_

_                                                Tanoshii_

_                                                Heriumu_

_                                                Hiai_

_                                                Mojin_

_                                                Nancho_

_                                                Akuma_

**_CURSEFORGETSLEEPHAPPYHELIUMPYROBLINDDEAFDEMON _**

**_IGNITE!_**

            And so, the seven young men and the taigiya were enveloped in a blinding purple/black light and struck with red lightning.  They lay unconscious, unsuspecting that when they woke up, they would never be the same.  The figure noted all of this and smiled.

***********

            "All I want for Christmas are my hanyou ears, my hanyou ears, my hanyou ears.  All I want for Christmas are my hanyou eaaaaaaars…..and maybe some chocolate too!" Inuyasha sang, still on sugar high.

            Shippo whispered," Aren't dogs supposed to be allergic to chocolate?" Kei just shrugged, and Kagome was too busy video-recording the dog demon to notice.  

            Miroku sniggered," This will be GREAT blackmailing material, Kagome-sama.  Nice thinking!"

            Kagome grinned and chuckled," You know it!" but soon turned her attention to Inuyasha, who was starting to sing a very off-tune and cracked version of the Barney song.  Suddenly, a streak of white fur landed on him from the treetops and started ferociously scratching his face while hissing.  

            "AaaAAaaIIiiieEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Inuyasha squealed, running around in circles while banging into trees.  

            Shippo, laughing so hard he was crying, called out," Go get 'im Inuyasha!"  

Inuyasha finally managed to throw the furball off of him and it landed at Shippo's feet. 

                        Shippo cried out," Kilala!"

Kagome hit him on the head and yelled," It's KI-RA-RA, goddamit!  Get your Japanese to English translations RIGHT!"

            Crestfallen, Shippo murmured," Sorry." 

Kei suddenly burst out," HEY, is that a cabin?!"  And lo and behold, it was a cabin!  Inuyasha affirmed," I can smell Sango is in there!"  And without further ado, they all stampeded over to the house to regain their lost friend.   

*****************

            "Sango-sama/chan!" The group cried out as they burst through the door.  What greeted them was enough to make them burst out laughing, or in Miroku's case, gasp in horror.  There before them was Sango.

In a maid's outfit dusting the cozy little abode while happily humming.

As they looked around, they spotted seven hot young men in the oddest positions.  One of them was on a beam support on the roof saying "Keh" every two seconds, one was sucking ferociously on a balloon and then speaking in a squeaky voice, another was intently staring at the fire in the fireplace nearly burning himself, the next one was practically bouncing off the walls in what seemed like a perpetual sugarhigh, another kept walking into a wall, another kept smacking his ears, and the last one was asleep standing up.  

            Suddenly, Sango stopped dusting and looked around confusedly.  She asked the guy near the fire," Excuse me sir, but do you know where I am? Why?......Who am _I?"  _

            The guy replied," Your name is Wasureru.  You're in our house because you're our baby sister!  I'm Hiai-," he pointed to the sleeping guy,"-that's Suimin-"he pointed at the hyper guy,"-that's Tanoshii-" he jabbed his thumb at the guy in the rafters"-that's Akuma-" he indicated the balloon guy"-that's Heriumu-" he pointed at the young man crashing into the wall,"-that's Mojin-" he finally pointed to the guy punching his ears,"-and that's Nancho!  We're all your brothers, so make yourself at home, and TRY not to forget us again, okay?"  To all of this Sango blankly stared, then shrugged and got back too dusting.  

            Tanoshii noticed the Inu-gumi at the door.         He started bunny-hopping and squealed," VISITORS, VISITORS, VISITORS!!"  

            Akuma dropped to the floor, suspiciously looked at Inuyasha and said," You're a half-demon, aren't you?"  

            Inuyasha defensively retorted," So what if I am?!" 

            Getting sparkly eyes, Akuma said," I'm a half-demon too! We can sniff each others butts, pick on full demons, and even have sleep overs!  We're gonna be the bestest friends because we're both hanyous!"

            Shippo cracked up and said," T-t-the bestest FRIENDS?!"

            Kagome, sharing the mirth, added," Sniff each other's BUTTS?!" 

            Inuyasha disgustedly said," I wouldn't do that stuff even if you WERE a hanyou!"

            Akuma pouted," But I have the cat-like ears, the pink hakama, and even the kiss-ass attitude! I am SO ghetto, er, I mean hanyou!" 

 Kei had joined Heriumu across the room and they were sharing the balloon.  

            Kei inhaled and said in a chipmunk voice," This is good stuff…."

            Heriumu informed him in an equally high pitched voice," It's called helium!" 

Miroku, of course, had followed his one-track instincts and went to see what was up with Sango. 

            "What's your name again?" Sango asked curiously.

            "It's Miroku.  I just told you that!  We're traveling companions, remember?!"

            "……….Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, can you please tell me who you are? Where I am? Who I am?"

            "I'm Miroku.  You're Sango.  WE'RE IN A FRICKIN CABIN!!"

            "Well your certainly very rude…..huh, how did I get here? Who are you? Where are we?   

            "ARRRRGHH!!" Miroku yelled, reaching the last straw.  

Out of the blue, Miroku grabbed Sango by the shoulders and kissed her.  Not one of those sissy close mouthed ones either; it was one of those kisses you see in the movies and make you think _Why__ can't **I** get laid like that?!  After they pulled apart, Miroku heatedly said," Sango, I love you.  I've loved you for so long, but you've always seemed so unreachable to me.  Please, please remember me…." He turned his head and pulled away from her.  Something in Sango clicked.  She grabbed her head and slid to the floor._

            "I…….I……."

**            BLOOPERS!!!**

**Blooper 1:**

  **"Sango-sama/chan!" The group cried out as they burst through the door.  What greeted them was enough to make them burst out laughing, or in Miroku's case, gasp in horror.  **

            There before them was *GASP* an _empty_ cabin.  

**Blooper 2:**

Kei had joined Heriumu across the room and they were sharing the balloon.  

            Kei inhaled and said in a chipmunk voice," This is good stuff…."

            Heriumu agreed in an equally high-pitched voice," Much better than weed…."****


	14. Kidnapped

Disclaimer: Once more, from the bottom of my heart, I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA!!!!  

**Ch.**** 14: Kidnapped**

****

Last time, on "I'm Not Gay!":

          "Sango, I love you.  I've loved you for so long, but you've always seemed so unreachable to me.  Please, please remember me…." He turned his head and pulled away from her.  Something in Sango clicked.  She grabbed her head and slid to the floor.

            "I…….I……."

*************************

          "I have a stomach ache!" Sango moaned.  Miroku facefaulted.  As he lay twitching on the ground, he thought _Fate must surely be getting revenge for all of the times I've groped Sango….. _He flinched as he heard Sango throw up.

            Inuyasha wasn't faring much better with Akuma. 

"YOU'RE A FRICKIN HUMAN, YOU FREAK!" Inuyasha yelled.

"LIKE FUN I AM! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT REEKS LIKE A HUMAN!" Akuma yelled back.

Kagome decided to take matters into her own hands.  Say it with me.

                        "SIT!"

Inuyasha was catching up with his good friend dirt.  He mumbled," Stupid shard detector."

                                    "SIT!"

Akuma looked on confusedly.  Did all half-demons fall to the floor from the word "sit"?  The wannabe hanyou then bellyflopped onto the floor and started to join Inuyasha's dark cursing of the young miko.   

            Shippo and Tanoshii had joined Kei and Heriumu to suck on helium.  They had even made it into a race.

            "Hurry up Shippo! Finish it off!"

            "Get a move on, ya' stupid crossdresser!  We're gonna lose!"

Of course, they had made a team sport on who could finish off a balloon first.  Since Shippo and Tanoshii had practically vampired the poor elastic wonder, they were in the lead.  

            "YAY! We won!" Shippo cheered.  Tanoshii and Shippo gave the victory sign.  Heriumu was despondently sucking on another balloon, almost like a pacifier while Kei just shrugged his shoulders.  

            Kei, noticing Suimin asleep in the middle of the room, asked Tanoshii," How the heck can he be sleeping standing up?"

            Tanoshii innocently replied," He's narcoleptic."  Suimin suddenly jolted up and started screaming.  Nancho ran up to him and asked loudly," Why are you so happy?"

            Suimin yelled," I'm not happy, I'm scared!"

            Nancho put a hand to his ear and asked," Eh? Couldn't hear you there."

            Suimin screeched in his ear," I'M SCARED, OKAY?!"

            Nancho rubbed his ears and mumbled," Don't have to yell so loud, I'm deaf, not _deaf."_

            Mojin asked a wall he thought was Suimin and asked," Why are you scared?"

            Suimin shushed him and whispered," Shhh! I think my butt's behind me!" 

Shippo thought aloud," Isn't this weird?"

            Kei responded," Yes, I do believe that having this many weirdos in a family is a tad bit odd." 

            Heriumu matter-of-factly told them," Well, we've always been like this, so it isn't that weird to us. Our baby sister Wasureru is the one that's weird."

            Kagome huffed," That isn't your sister, that's our friend Sango!"

  Suddenly gaining a super-size demon head, Heriumu yelled, "Sister!"

            Kagome, with an equally large demon-head, yelled back," Friend!"

                        "Sister!"

                        "Friend!"

                        "Sister!"

                        "Friend!"

                        "Sister!"

                        "Friend!"

                        "Sister!"

                        "Friend!"

                        "Sister!"

Inuyasha, munching on some popcorn, sighed," This could take all day."

            Miroku and Kei, after putting the pieces of the puzzle together, came to the same conclusion:

"It's a trap!"

And that was when the entire cabin was booming with raspy cackling.

**************

Out of the blue Miroku yelled," I sense an evil presence!" 

            Kagome hollered at him," Well no shit Sherlock!"

The voice crowed," Cucucucucucucucu!  Little munchkins, you won't make it out of here alive!"

Then another voice, that sounded suspiously like Naraku, joined in," Kukukukukukuku!"

            Shippo gulped," Oh no, that sounds suspciously like Naraku!" 

            Akuma and Inuyasha simultaneously bonked him on the head.  Akuma looked up at Inuyasha with adoring eyes and said," This could be the start of a beautiful friendship."

            Disgusted, Inuyasha feh'ed," Like hell!"

A blue smoke cloud overtook the cabin, and everyone held their breath, thinking it was poison gas. 

            Kagome thought, _Can't…..hold…….breath…….much…….longer!_

Shippo thought, _Is__ this the end……?_

Kei thought, _COOL! My life is flashing before my eyes!_

The smoke cleared, revealing Naraku and an ugly, short, midget hag.  She looked at them puzzledly and said," You don't have to hold your breath, it's just my perfume." She fussed with her hair and said," It must be a CRIME to be this beautiful!"

            Everyone minus the hag facefaulted.

Miroku yelled," What have you done to Sango, you old shrimp?!" 

            Inuyasha sighed," He MUST have better insults than _that_, he hangs out with ME!"

            The midget crowed," I am Kikyo's TRUE form!  Indeed, Inuyasha, I had deceived you from the start!  I am actually Naraku's evil mother-in-law!"

            Naraku raised a hand and said," I'll vouch for that."

Kikyo thwoped him on the head and continued," I have placed a curse upon the residents of this house and the exterminator.  If they remain this way, they will keel over and die within the next five minutes, leaving their souls to me! Cucucucucucucu!"

            Kei called out," Dude, what's with the "cucucucu"?  That is SO copying Naraku!"

            Naraku indignantly said," That's what my lawyer said too!"

Miroku pondered something, then voiced his thoughts aloud," Hang on, if Kikyo is actually Naraku's mother-in-law, then who's his wife?  Wouldn't there be no relation between them if Naraku was single?"

            Naraku snapped his fingers and gasped," The monks RIGHT!" He turned to Kikyo and sobbed," After all we've been through, how could you deceive me so?!"

            Kikyo screeched," You insolent wannabe Buddhist!   Now I will make SURE that they die!"

            Sango, Hiai, Suimin, Tanoshii, Akuma, Heriumu, Mojin, and Nancho suddenly collapsed onto the floor, writhing in pain.  Their eyes bulged out of their sockets and their faces started turning blue.  Kagome hid her face in Inuyasha's shoulder, Shippo hid _his_ face in Kagome's shoulder, and Kei hid _his_ face on Shippo's shoulder.  Miroku looked at them and thought, _What__, are they in a conga line?_

            Miroku, reaching the end of his rope, hollered," Don't hurt them anymore! Take me instead!"

            Those cursed slumped forward and passed out.  Kikyo chuckled," Cucucucucucu, now it is your turn to play, little houshi.  I have released them from their curse, but if you try to rebel, I can kill them all in an instant."  Her evil minions, the soul stealers, _swooshed into the cabin and picked up Kikyo and Naraku.  _

Naraku, still on the ground, cried out," You can't just LEAVE me here!"

            Kikyo flatly said," You're a demon, you can fly."

            "Even _I_ knew that!" Shippo catcalled.

Naraku grumbled," Think happy thoughts….." An image of a bazillion slinkies going down a huge staircase filled his mind and he shot through the roof.

            Kagome burst," He can fly!"

            Shippo repeated," He can fly!"

Inuyasha sweatdropped and wondered out loud," Wonder what made him so happy…."

            And so, in the excitement of having Sango cured, Miroku kidnapped, and learning that Naraku COULD fly, the remaining Inu-gumi didn't realize that their Shikon shards had been stolen…………

**BLOOPERS!**

**Blooper 1:**

"Sango, I love you.  I've loved you for so long, but you've always seemed so unreachable to me.  Please, please remember me…." He turned his head and pulled away from her.  Something in Sango clicked.  She grabbed her head and slid to the floor.

            "I…….I…….I love you too Houshi-sama!"

As they were about to kiss again, Ryochan8 pryed them apart and yelled," NOOOO! The story has to go on for another chapter at least!!!!"

**Blooper 2: **

Naraku grumbled," Think happy thoughts….." An image of a bazillion slinkies going down a huge staircase filled his mind and he shot through the roof.

            Everybody sang," Everybody loves a slinky!"


	15. Uh, What's Going On?

Gomen minna-san!  I haven't updated since forever! *sweatdrops at audience agreeing with her* So, as most of you guys have pointed out, I.N.G.! is coming to a close.  *bawls*Thank you so much for all of your support!  Anyway, onwards with the chapter!

**Uh, What's Going On?**

****

          "WHAT??!?!?!?!" Sango shrieked.

"It's true! That's what really happened!" Kagome said in earnest. 

Sango had woken up 5 minutes after Kikyo, Naraku, and Miroku had left (a/n: in the last chapter, I had a typo that said the soul stealers had lifted Naraku, when I had meant to type "Miroku". Sorry to have caused confusion and thanks to the reviewer that spotted that error!) and now everything was being explained.  Of course, Sango was **NOT in her happy place.  Kei, though, was.**

          "Oh, a little higher, harder, harder, OHHHH!" Yup, he was getting the back scratch of his life from Shippo.  But anyway….. 

The door to the cabin thundered **THUD THUD THUD!  **

          Inuyasha hollered," Who the hell's there?"

A muffled voice hollered back," If you don't let me in, I'll huff, and puff, and get you all addicted to drugs!"

Shippo squealed," Oh, the horror of heroin!-cocaine!-weed!"

Kei sweatdropped and said," I don't even WANNA know how you know that."

Kagome opened the door and nearly fainted at what she saw.

*******************

Miroku groaned and shifted from his uncomfortable position.  He groggily sat up and took in his surroundings.  _Whoah__, can somebody say heebie-jeebies…… he thought.  The room had black walls, black carpeted floor, suspicious red blotches on the walls, and a lone [black] table with a blood-red rose in a vase.  _

"Is the room to your liking?" a low, misty voice asked, sending Miroku 6 feet into the air.  

He turned around to yell at the moron that sneaked up on him, but upon looking at the girl, he froze.

Ladies and gents, welcome to Goths of the 1600's!  The girl had a black kimono, black makeup, pale skin, and red streaks in her black hair.  Miroku shuddered as he asked," W-who are you?" 

The girl, face expressionless, said," I am Rin." 

Placing on his cheeriest "I'm-a-monk-and-can-therefore-grope-or-rip-you-off-very-easily" look, he said," Rin-san, it's a pleasure for me to meet you.  I am called Miroku."

Allowing a small smile that failed to reach her eyes, Rin monotonously replied," No, the pleasure is all mine."

Someplace in the vicinity, Naraku the puppet master grinned as he fingered the complete Shikon-no-Tama.  

************

          At the door stood none other than everybody's favorite dog-demon, Sesshomaru (a/n: what, thought I was gonna say Inuyasha? :P).  

          He looked them over and sighed.  "None of you can understand the depths of my pain," he lamented.

          Shippo started leaping with his arm in the air," Pick me! Pick me!"       Kagome, however, was in LaLa-Land.  There was drool coming out of the side of her mouth and she was muttering," So cooooooooool…..what a dreamboat……."  

          Sango hyperventilated," I can't take this anymore!" and started banging her head against the wall.  

          Inuyasha nodded at Sango's reaction and said," It's true, hardly anybody can stand that bastard.  I, too, used to bang my head against walls, and that's how I got my brain damage."

          Shippo pointed at him and yelled," So you DO have brain damage!"  He turned to Kagome, stuck out his hand and said," Pay up, sister."

          Kei turned to Sesshomaru and bubbled," I'm so happy to have met another person with the same hobby as me! We can cross-dress together forever!" 

          *Cricket*

          *Cricket*

          "……Are you implying that I, Sesshomaru, am a crossdresser?!"

          "YUPPERS!!!  I can tell!"

          Sango yelled," Okay, people, SHUT UP!!" She turned to Sesshomaru and darkly glared," And what are YOU doing here?"

          Sesshomaru innocently whistled and twiddled his thumbs for a few seconds, then noticing that Sango wasn't buying it, gave up and said," I require your assistance against that barbaric half-breed."

          "HEY!" Inuyasha protested.

          Sesshomaru blew him off and said," No, not YOU, I mean Naraku."

Everybody mouthed "oh".  

          The demon lord continued," You see, in my care, I have had a human child-"

          "CUTE!" Kei squealed.

          Sesshomaru flashed red eyes at him, shutting the crossdresser up.  He continued,"-and Naraku has kidnapped her."

          *Cricket*

          *Cricket*

          "….You may speak," sighed Sesshomaru as he sweatdropped.

Pandemonium broke loose as Kei and Shippo hugged Sesshomaru to console him, Inuyasha boredly leaned against the wall, and Kagome just awkwardly stood by Inuyasha, unsure of what to do and Sango rubbed her sore head.

          Sesshomaru sniffled and said,"-but it is a tragedy I must bear for the moment.  I, Sesshomaru, however, must ask a favor of you.  Please assist me in-" he paused, unsure of how to word it,"-kicking his ass."  

          Inuyasha cheered," HELL YEAH!!!"

          "And we'll get back the Shikon shards!" Kagome yay'ed.

          Shippo asked," Oh, did we lose those? Darn, Naraku's getting tricky."

          Sango exclaimed," It's about TIME we did something! We have to rescue Houshi-sama!"

          And so, with Sesshomaru in tow, the Inu-gumi set off to kill Naraku and regain the Shikon Jewel.

As they headed off, Sango thought,_ Maybe……maybe there's hope for us in this mess……Miroku.  _

********

          "So what are we gonna do with it?" Naraku asked, holding the Shikon-no-Tama to the light.

Kikyo blankly stared at him and said," I dunno, what do YOU wanna do with it?"

"Nuh-UH, I asked you first!"

"Well, I made this plan up to get the jewel!"

"So! That just means I'm dumb and you're smart!"

"And that's what makes the world go round."

"HEY! Did you just _insult me?!"_

"Oh, gee, HOWEVER did you figure THAT out?"

"Was that sarcastic?!"

Obviously, our heroes have no hurry to retrieve the Shikon-no-Tama.   

****

**Bloopers!!**

**Blooper 1:**

Kagome opened the door and nearly fainted at what she saw.

"BACKSTREET BOYS!!" She shrieked in glee.

**Blooper 2:**

_Whoah__, can somebody say heebie-jeebies…… he thought._

          "Heebie jeebies!" a random person from the audience yelled.

**Blooper 3:**

Kei turned to Sesshomaru and bubbled," I'm so happy to have met another person with the same hobby as me! We can cross-dress together forever!" 

Sesshomaru lisped," Finally, thumbody who underthands me!  Oh! Oh! I have thith perfect lipthick that would, like, TOTALLY re-define your fathe!"


	16. Elanif: Finale Spelled Backwards!

I would like to sincerely thank everybody that has read this fic and reviewed.  You guys are too good to me!!!  I hope you enjoy the ending; the Kei backstory should be up soon, I've been busy editing and revising it so that it's super-sweet.  It's going to be added to this fic as another chapter, just to avoid confusion.  And so, with that all said, please enjoy and REVIEW!   

**Elanif: Finale Spelled Backwards!**

****

****

              "ALL RIGHT! LET'S GO KICK SOME HALF-DEMON ASS!" Inuyasha cheered, running out the door.

              Kei sweatdropped and asked," He doesn't remember that _he's a half-demon, too, does he?"_

              Sesshomaru blandly cut in," He's always been like that, ever since childhood."  He smirked as he remembered "the good old days".

                                           _*Flashback*_

_              "Look at me! I can FLY, just like Daddy and Oniisan!" yelled a six year old Inuyasha as he stood on the roof of a shed, ready to jump._

_              "No son, don't do it, half-demons can't fly!" yelled his mother, helpless on the ground._

_              Inuyasha jumped, flapping his arms in a vain attempt to float, while shrieking," I CAN SEE OUR HOUSE FROM HEREEEEEEEE-"  _

_                                           *Back to now*_

              As Sesshomaru snickered, Kagome slowly backed away from the weird demon lord and thought, _what's his problem?_

_              Suddenly, Shippo pointed at the formerly enchanted brothers on the ground of the cabin and asked," What are we gonna do with those guys?"_

              Kagome said," Oh yeah, I completely forgot about them!  We can't just leave them here, though, but we can't exactly take them with us……"

              Kei suggested," Maybe we could drop them off at a nearby village?"

              Sesshomaru slyly hinted," I may have a solution to that….." and he whistled.  Almost immediately, a pack of wild dogs charged into the cabin.  The demon lord pointed at the unconscious men and said," Chow time."  The dogs charged the men and started to knaw at them.  Sesshomaru nonchalantly strode out the door while saying," There, problem solved.  Let's go."  

              Scared out of their wits and trying to ignore the sounds of ripping flesh, Kagome, Sango, Kei and Shippo scurried out of the cabin and after Sesshomaru and the long-gone Inuyasha.

********

              Miroku frowned, as he tried to think up a strategy.  This one moment decided everything, and if he screwed up, then all would be lost……. He made his move.

              "Full house," he said smugly, putting down his cards.

              The stoic girl across the table didn't even flinch.  She carefully put down her cards and said calmly," Royal flush."  She then gathered up all the cash on the table.

              Miroku sighed and thought, _Damn, that Rin is the best poker player I've ever seen!_

**********

              Kagura stood before Naraku and asked," What did you summon me for?"

              Naraku coldly smirked as he said," Now that I have the Shikon-no-Tama in its entirety, I have no use for the half-breed, the exterminator, or the miko."

              Kagura sinisterly smiled as she inquired," So you wish for me to dispose of them?"

              Naraku shook his head and told her," Bring them to me."

*********

              "-and so, that's what Fushigi Yugi is all about." Kagome finished.  

              Sango hesitantly said," I _guess_ it sounds interesting enough, but-"

              Kei joyfully burst," GET ME THOSE BOOKS, OKAY KAG-CHAN?" 

              Shippo tauntingly sang," Kag-chan, Kag-chan, Kag-chan!"

              Kagome huffed," Oh, shut up, Shippy-chan."

              Sesshomaru, astonished, looked at Shippo and asked," You're going to let her get away with that?  YOU, a full demon?"  Kagome gulped as Shippo rubbed his chin thoughtfully.  A gust of wind brought everybody back to earth.

              "It's a bird!" yelled Shippo.

              "It's a plane!" insisted Kagome.

              "What's a plane?" Inuyasha confusedly asked.

              Sesshomaru hit himself at their stupidity while Sango shouted," No, it's Kagura!"

              "Ooooh" said Kagome.

              "That makes sense," added Shippo, nodding his head.

              Suddenly, Kei burst out laughing.  Everybody looked at the crossdresser weirdly and looked to see what he was so amused at.  Seeing the object of his mirth, they all started laughing too.  

              Still laughing, Sango gasped out," K-Ka-Kagura's-"

              "WI-WI-WIND SURFING!" finished Kagome. 

              Inuyasha, recovering quickly, ran after Kagura as she steered her feather away from the group.

              "After that bimbo!" cried Kei, as they all started chasing the runaway spawn of Naraku.  

              Inwardly, as she tried to keep her balance on her makeshift surfboard, Kagura sneered, _What__ fools….._

******

               The Inu-gumi reached the castle stronghold that Naraku had kept as his secret base of operations.  Trying to catch their breath, they searched the skies for Kagura who had somehow gone MIA.  

              Kagome gasped," I sense the Shikon-no-Tama!  This must be Naraku's lair!"

              Suddenly, Sango noticed a figure running from the castle.  _Is that…..it can't be…..but……OH MY GOD, IT **IS** HIM!_

*****

              Miroku panted, as he tried to keep up his pace.  _Almost out….._  He couldn't let Rin's sacrifice go to waste!

                                           _*Flashback*_

_              "What?!" Miroku asked, shocked._

_              "I'm letting you go." Rin affirmed._

_              "But…..why?" Miroku wondered. _

_              Rin looked at the ground and said," You don't belong here…….your heart lies somewhere else…….."_

_              "Rin-san…."_

_              "Naraku will kill me, but as long as you're safe and happy, then so will I be." The girl unlocked the door. "Go now."  Miroku flashed her one last smile and took off running, not looking back._

_                                           *Now*_

              Miroku saw a group of people a bit off.  He focused in on one person with a large boomerang on their back.  _Sango…….._

              "HOUSHI-SAMA!" he heard her yell.  Despite himself, he grinned.  Miroku sprinted up to the group, and bent over, trying to catch his breath but was tackled by Sango, who was now sobbing into his shoulder.  

              "There, there, Sango-chan, I'm alright…." He reassured her.  

              She looked up at him, tears still in her eyes as she sniffled.  She smiled at him and said," I'm so glad you're back, Houshi-sama."  

              Kei boo'ed," Damn it, just kiss already!"

              Sesshomaru agreed," We have more important matters to attend to, so get on with it!"  Sango and Miroku simultaneously blushed.  

              Inuyasha shouted," Aw, to hell with it!" and clomped their heads together, making their lips meet in a kiss.  

                                           *Five Minutes Later*

              Shippo yawned," Are they done making out YET?!"  

              Kagome answered," Let me check…….nope, still going at it."

              Inuyasha sulked," If I had known they would take _this_ long, then I wouldn't have made them kiss.  Feh."  

              Miroku was in heaven…….he was kissing his angel!-and she wasn't pulling away!-nope, definitely NOT pulling away……

              The couple (finally!) pulled apart and stared in eachothers' eyes.  

              Sango, happily crying, said," I love you, Houshi-sama.  Even if we're apart, even if you're gay"- Miroku sweatdropped at that-" my heart will always beat only for you.  Aishteru zutto."

              Miroku serenely smiled and murmured," Sango, it's always been you, only you.  At first I tried to deny it, telling myself that you would never love me or that I would only put you in danger or hurt you, but I can't stop myself from loving you. And after you told me that you "knew" I was gay, I've been trying to prove that I wasn't and that it was only you I wanted, but it somehow always came out wrong. Aishteru zutto, koi."

              "Houshi-sama…." Sango whispered.

              Miroku chuckled," Sango-koi, please, call me by my name, I hate it when you say "Houshi-sama".  It makes me feel old!"

              "Are you two done _yet_?!"  Inuyasha complained.  The couple blushed as they realized that they had had an audience.  Kagome gave Sango a cheeky grin while Kei gave them a thumbs up.  Even Sesshomaru joined in making fun of them, with his back turned and arms around himself, looking like he was making out with someone while he was saying," Oh Miroku……..Oh Sango….."

              "And here I was worried about you idiots destroying my plans……I now see that you're nothing more than a group of fools," said a cold voice.  

              "NARAKU!" shouted Shippo.

              "Crap! He really **_IS_** getting sneaky!" yelled Inuyasha.  

              Miroku quickly placed Sango behind him and glared at Naraku.  Sango's heart beat quicker as she thought, _Miroku….._

_              Naraku gloated," Now that I have the Shikon-no-Tama, I am invincible!"_

              Shippo cried," NOT WHILE I'M ALIVE, YOU BITCH!"

              Everybody facefaulted while Naraku screeched," I'M A _MAN, YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A FOX DEMON!!!"_

              Shippo turned to Kei and asked," Is she telling the truth?"

              Kei, trying to hold back his laughter, said," Yes, HE is telling the truth." He flipped back his hair and said," Truly, he is not as beautiful as I, but he IS considered a bishonen."  

              Naraku disgustedly said," **_I_** AM THE ONLY BISHONEN HERE!"

              Sesshomaru gave him a glare that would have made Satan cry for his mommy and asked," Are you forgetting someone? For I, Sesshomaru, am the only TRUE bishonen here, you wannabe demon!"  

              Naraku burst into tears and yelled," KIKYOOOOOOO!!!!!  THEY'RE MAKING FUN OF MEEEEEEEEE!!!"  Kikyo suddenly "poofed" to the scene in a flash of horrible-smelling pink smoke.  Inuyasha, seeing his former love, ran to her side.

              Kagome called," INUYASHA!!!" Then she remorsefully said," I _knew this would happen! Why…….why………" she threw her hands up to the air," WHY DIDN'T I BREAK HIS LEGS?!"  _

              Upon reaching Kikyo, Inuyasha tried to screech to a halt, but ended up accidentally stabbing her with his claws, his hand protruding from the other side of her stomach.  Kikyo's eyes bulged out in shock.

              "Whoops!  Oh no, whatever have I done?  Forgive me, Kiki-poo? Aw, thanks honey!"  And with that sarcastic remark being over and done with, Inuyasha sent Kikyo to her final rest.  (A/N: YAY!)  Inuyasha turned to the astonished Naraku and said," Kikyo would NEVER, EVER have agreed to be your servant, she was too good for that!  The only reason she allowed herself to be manipulated by you was because her soul was warped by hatred!  Now that she's no longer trapped within that clay sham of a body, she can rest peacefully in the afterlife.  I swore to her that I would avenge her, and now I'll live up to that promise!"  

              Naraku squeaked," Crap!"  

              Inuyasha cracked his knuckles and chuckled," I'm going to enjoy this….."  Out of the blue, Naraku teleported over to Kagome and held his claws to her neck, obviously warning everyone that if they made one wrong move, that she would get it.  

              "What now?" Naraku sneered. "Choose now what's more important: this girl's life, or revenge for Kikyo?"

              Inuyasha inwardly thought, _Crap! How dare he get Kagome mixed up in this!  Of COURSE I can't let her die, I lo-_

_              Inuyasha's inner musings were interrupted by Miroku yelling," WIND TUNNEL!"  _

              Naraku, releasing Kagome in his surprise, yelled," What the fuck?!"………and that was the last thing ever heard from him before he was sucked into Miroku's hell-hole.  

              Shippo said," Wow."  

              Kei replied," Yeah, you said it."

              Kagome fell to the floor, gasping for breath as she tried to regain her composure.  

              Sesshomaru complained," How anti-climatic."  

              "I agree, Sesshomaru-sama." Said a familiar cold voice.

              "AAAHHHH!" yelled Shippo, Sango, Kagome, and Miroku in shock.  Sesshomaru, unfazed, hugged the goth girl that had appeared out of nowhere.  

              "Rin, are you unhurt?" inquired Sesshomaru.

              Rin smiled and said," Yes, Sesshomaru-sama.  Let us go home now."

As the girl and her surrogate father walked off, Kei shivered and said," Geez, was she creepy or what?"

              Shippo commented," What _I_ don't get is how she got to be so gothic.  She used to be such a sweet, innocent girl…."

              Miroku snorted and said," Yeah, and she was my roommate."

              "Aw, poor Miroku," teased Sango.

              By now Kagome had joined Inuyasha.  Inuyasha calmly said," Kagome….. Naraku had the jewel on him, right?"

              Kagome nodded and said," Yes, Miroku sucked the jewel up along with Naraku.  I'm sorry, Inuyasha, now you can't become a full-demon."  

              Inuyasha enigmatically smiled at her and said," You know what Kagome? Somehow, I think that it's alright……"

              And somehow, Inuyasha was right………

**********************THE END*************************

              **EPILOUGE:**

              And so, now that Miroku had convinced Sango that he wasn't gay and that he loved her, they almost immediately got married.  However, not a day went by that she didn't have to smack him for his perversity.

              After hearing about the magical well that connected Kagome's time and his own, Kei wanted to build a shrine to honor the "holy place". It would be passed down to his children's children's children, and eventually become the Hiragashi Shrine. And since it was forbidden for priests to crossdress, he finally donned men's clothing and acted like his true gender.

              After a few years of living in her time and visiting the Sengoku Jidai, Kagome finally told Inuyasha that she had to go away for college.  Finally confessing that he loved her, Inuyasha promised to wait for her and prepare a home for the both of them and their adopted son, Shippo.  

              They all had their happy days, sad days, and weeks of PMS, but they all more or less lived happily ever after.       


	17. The Shocker: Return of ING?

Authors Note:  
  
Hey all!!! It's been.........um..........a year or two or something.

Hehhehehe.....Well.......here's the scoop. Looking back, this story

SUCKS! **_Especially_** the ending, which I did under pressure and didn't

even like as I posted it. So......... I've decided to re-write/ revise the

story!!!! My writing style has SOMEWHAT matured and I THINK

that it might be for the better.... ING! might turn out to be more

serious this time around, but that's alright right? Right. So hopefully

you guys will stick with this and bear with my updating problems. I

mean, I have a couple other chapter stories up and I'm not even

updating THOSE that much -bashes self- But the Kei backstory

will be integrated into the new version (because I'm too lazy to give

it it's own chapter) and HOPEFULLY you'll like this version as

much, if not more, than the last. The first couple chapters might seem

the same, but they're edited, reworded, and all that good stuff and the

plot diverges DRAMATICALLY from the original. Hang onto your

knickers, folks, it's a BOOMERANG-A-THANG!!! See you soon!  
–Ryochan8


End file.
